At this present time and moment (8:13 Thursday, May 20, 2009) I have $744.92, and I'm getting some money direct deposited into my account at midnight so that number won't be accurate in some hours. Nonetheless, I'm saving up to write Devin a $2,000.00 check for knocking his teeth out almost a year ago. At present, I am working at Gettel Toyota, and am very happy as a Lot Porter. I have two beautiful sisters, whom I love very much, Angelica, and Deborah. I'm living with my mom, in her hubby's apartment. I'm deeply in love, with the band MGMT. I've been listening to the "Congratulations" album at least twice everyday, and when I'm not, I find myself hypnotized by some very key lyrics, all throughout the day. I'm slowly easing off of a 3/4 year "Tim and Eric" high; however there are some words like and phrases (Dads, Spaghetti, Meatballs, Stay in School, etc) that'll spontaneously conjure up an utterance or two, aloud or within me. I'm at a point where I'm cautiously open, if I can say that, to many influences, and the thing about it is, that they seem to come to me at the perfect time in my life. I say cautiously, because, I do try to be conscious of the actions I take, and how they affect me, and those around me. If I do something that I know I'm going to regret in the morning, I try my hardest to contain it, and not let it spread like a wildfire. Lord knows, how many domino pieces, I've tripped over and over. The thing about it is, that once you flick one over, the chain-reaction starts, and then you have to take responsibility for making a mess of yourself.
Stray Thought: Man I started a "Time Traveling" post that tomorrow turns exactly one month since I began it, and it's yet to be published. Hee, hee. Oh well. I'll have to work on that on my own time.
I'm very generous with my money, especially these days. For the longest, I've been living off the trickling down of life-support from my friends, and I feel it's finally my turn to put my energy in the mass queue, and return the many favors, and acts of generosity that people uplifted me with in my time of need.
Physically, right now I am gaining the most weight I've ever gained in my whole life. Which is a very, very good thing for me. I'm really just stuffing my face every chance I get, so that I can bulk up. I'm still rather slender, in fact very, but I am getting stronger arms and legs, everyday. With an undesired preference to the right side, because I use my right leg and arm more throughout the day. Nonetheless, I'm getting stronger.
Mentally, I'm not going through any bouts of depression, or insecurity, which is very good. I still have loopy thoughts, and am quite obsessive, especially when it comes to things I like, but that's only because I'm aware that they are important to me, on a very spiritual and subconscious level. Spiritually "Tim and Eric" are perhaps less than fulfilling, but they are definitely ingrained within me subconsciously, but 3/4 years of anything will do that to you. What I am actually surprised is how quickly I was able to embrace the band MGMT, into my mental state. They are lyrically hypnotic, and there is something spiritual definitely going on there. It's no mistake, they discovered me.
Religiously, oh dear. Gods loves you, and wants you to do nice things. That's the extent of my feelings toward religion.
Sexually, lacking, and certainly open to much more of it.
Love, oh dear. I'm at a point where my heart is giving, and forgiving all the same. I talk to people, at times (and texting people too these days), and I just feel like I'm playing on a completely different playing field. The emotional connection between I and my last girlfriend, Holly, is virtually non-existent, and so I kind of feel like I was using her the whole time, so I can definitely come off as insensitive, but that's because, the passion and emotion was never there to begin with. We were puppets, playing roles. Unaware we were hurting each other (from a spiritual standpoint) all along. Right now, I'm just looking for an honest soul. "An extinct soul... lost in an eternal shrine." I just hope that that that missing person is as open and listening. Tonight, I'm praying that I myself will be open and listening, myself to realize said honest soul.
Futuristically, I'm looking forward to the day Savannah Joy Rivera, and Delilah Capri Rivera, my two daughters are born, but that's a long ways away. Hee, Hee. I honestly am taking each day as it comes to me. I think I'll be at a better position to speak on my future after I finish paying for Devin's teeth. It's a guilt I've been living with, since that ill-fated afternoon.
Musically, I'm friggin obsessed with MGMT, they are the perfect group, and I love everything that Andrew VanWyngarden utters. Lyrically there is none more poetic, and their delivery really hits me on every level I can think of; consciously, sub-consciously, spiritually, sexually, etc. Okay, I'm joking about the sexual part, but you catch me. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I discovered the band on my own. In the past I was influenced by Sajan, for which I have to thank for the lust I have towards Muse, and Coldplay. But this was finally something that I found, and that I relate to very closely. More closely than my past favs Muse, and Coldplay.
Luck, I've been plagued with the absolute best luck in the world, and wouldn't change it for a thing.
Fate, with every challenge I'm overcoming, I keep setting the bar higher, and higher. I've had my fair share of falls, but I aim for victory, always.
Living, once you realize it's all an illusion, have fun. Go ahead and "fuck with stars", and that "All is well, if the ticket sells".
Death, I can't tell what's really there, but maybe there is some closure in it all. As selfish as it may seem, to myself, this will be my last life. I want to learn all my lessons in this life. This will be my hardest one. It's the final stepping stone. Love, love, love, all along the way, and when you can't, love some more, because you can, always.
in light, and love.
farewell, i'll see you on tuesday/wednesday.
ps- my phone'll be off, but i'll try to keep my facebook updated as much as possible.
