Going Incognito

I'm dissolving into obscurity, many of my friends won't hear from me for a long time. This is something I need to do. I'm also dropping the http://luismiguelrivera.com/ domain name, so come the 24th of December (possibly sooner), this blog goes back to the http://luismiguelrivera.blogspot.com/ domain. I've deactivated my facebook, and I'll have a new cell phone number soon. So I've made it particularly cumbersome to get a hold of me. Of course if its an emergency and you really need to get a hold of me my email is luismiguelrivera@inbox.com but please do not use it to update me with trivial updates about your life, its for emergencies only. So this is goodbye. Partially written by Amanda Reedy. Goodnight.

What is Love?

As with any question, the answer varies. Love means different things for different people. People aren't stable themselves either. Who you are depends on when you ask the question. I think you can apply that same concept, when it comes to love. What love means to you, depends when you ask the question. The really old couple that's been married for many years, is going to have a different answer to "What is Love?", than say newlyweds, or even my sister and her boyfriend.

For about a year now, I've dedicated a considerable portion of my energy to this quest. To answer the question "What is Love?". It's the banner on my phone, as a daily reminder. I've asked myself many, many times, in different situations, the same question. Surprisingly, I find the answer to be considerably affected by the mood I'm in, the thoughts that I'm having, recent events, or a combination of said things.

Which to be honest, disturbs me. I went into this, with a fairly clean slate. I made the promise that no matter what, I'd always keep an objective view, that I wouldn't get too involved in any one person, or situation. The purpose being, love has the tendency to cloud judgments. Choices are made, irrationally. Feelings get hurt. Etc, etc.

I started this project whilst living in California. Told no one about it. Carried it over to my happenings in Florida, after I moved back. Overall, upon reflection, I'd like to say that I was not successful in my quest to answering the question "What is Love?", or rather instead of saying it wasn't successful, the insight I did get, cannot be simplified to a degree understandable by most. However, I am very proud, and grateful for the things that I HAVE learned.

In writing this post, I asked some close friends of mine for their insight, maybe there's something that I'm overlooking. For the most part, it's been standard one-liner's, and cliche notions concerning the topic, but I guess it's my fault for not being clear enough, in my intention, as for what I'm looking in an answer. However I did come upon some of my old dabblings from around this time last year, it felt like a time machine. I am surprised at myself, like I was in a completely different mind-space, so what I said almost seemed anticipated. Like as if I would read it someday in the future, and it'd be even more revealing in the present, than in the moment, at the time.

Maybe if perhaps I would of not put as much energy into trying to fall in love, trying to find love, whatever it meant to me at the time, I would of been more "successful". Things would of happened more organically. Less planned. Even MORE spontaneous.

For instance, I've been trying to plan out every little tiny aspect of my life, instead of letting them happen and fall into their place, naturally. Going on the Appalachian Trail during the summer, was wonderfully uplifting, as no day was ever planned. Things were done on the whim, as whether or not they felt right, then and there. It's a beautiful way to approach life in general, and even love to some degree. However, it was a bit extreme. (Or maybe it wasn't, and I'm not mature enough to truly appreciate it) In going, and coming back so soon, I became careless, and destructive to some degree. All fated things happen, and my dabblings with lust are a testament to that.

Those were the times when I had the greatest breakthroughs. When ideals, and morals were put into question, for the opportunity at hand. Would I follow through? Would I not? What happens next? The mind is a beautiful thing, it can teach you, and reprogram you. Untamed, however, and it can teach you the fairytale, that is to hurt.

Which begs to answer the question, Have I given up on love? Almost.

I almost gave up on being able to feel an inkling ever again. Then I remembered, this is what I signed up for. This is part of the human experience. To feel pain. To feel, really. No one is to blame for my ambition, and my indecisiveness, but me.

Sex, here is something very tangible. It's within your grip. Is that love? Yes, and no. Yes, in that the experience, is for the most part usually mutual, and that their is a greater potential to share something significant with someone else. And then No, in that there are more element to love, and a relationship than physical attraction, and what I call "a perfect lust". Love can be tangible, and be seen everywhere. That is everywhere you WANT to see love. A newborn child, the ultimate vessel of love I know, under certain eyes (maybe of sadness, or even anger), can be this ugly thing, and it can also be the most beautiful thing one can lay eyes on.

For me love has become something rather ineffable. I've been able to experience the emotions, and feelings one does whilst in that state of euphoria, that one feels while in love, by simply listening to music. Tear for tear, and giddiness for giddiness, I know both sides. Is THAT love?...

Who knows?

The quest never ends, and this may simply be a bookmark, or a chapter in my life that'll never go away, either way if I had one hope, it'd be that I'll be comfortable enough with my life to feel that even if I never find out what true romantic love is, it won't matter. Because I love myself. And maybe that's what love is.



i love you :)

Magnetic Optimism

It never fails to amaze me, just how in tune I feel sometimes. I've been avoiding certain thoughts/feeling/emotions, only to find that the seed I planted in my ethereal garden of love, was one of bitterness. It blossomed, into this thorny thing. Less like a cactus, and more like a rose. Even though this thorny thing poked me, and hurt me, it was too beautiful to let go.

Last night, after some rather intense happenings, I let the idea that love hurts, go. I uprooted that thorny bitter thing, I thanked it for it's purpose, and role in my life; and in it's place, I planted something beautiful. Love heals.

Stay in School, and Stay Focused

from the heart of David Liebe Heart himself...

The answer was in front of me the whole time, the only thing getting in the way was ME. I had all these excuses, and they were for nothing. If you must know, I'll be starting school next month, over at Sarasota Tech. There is a Video Production course that opens up NEXT year, so in the meantime, I'm going to take a Multimedia course. Broaden my skills a bit. So yeah. I don't even really know why I waited all this time to make this decision. But I think it was kind of fated. Like if I still worked for Toyota, I don't think I'd have the motivation to quit, and go back to school.

Now, I'm just working on my next hurdle of getting a job...

PS - If you haven't noticed I tweaked the look and feel of the blog a little bit, in addition I put in a new commenting system, powered by Disqus. So it's that much easier to leave your love these days :)

All a Dreamer Ever Does...

...is dream.

"Smoking can kill you, and if you've been killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
- Brooke Shields

Many apologies for the redundancies. So wording out last weekend would be the same thing. It's quite silly, because I've been working on this post for like 3 or 4 days now, and I read it, and realized that it had very little to do with me. So I erased it all, and I'm writing this anew.

What a mindfuck :)

Arrogance, and selfishness got the best of me. So, maybe I was better off a dreamer. I can be me. Dreaming is not dead, it's been forgotten. What's best for me is to remain neutral, and balance these worlds equally. I'm not going to lie though, I favor the former. To dream is to see. To dream is to be.

Pizza Dreams, Part Deux

Last night, I'd say was a success. Of course, I don't remember fully what I dreamed, but I do remember that I did. So I'll share, as much as I can.

NOTE: This won't be accurate, and it's not supposed to be. This is how I interpreted last night.

So the way that my dreams usually stem is from a thought. Mentally, what I like to do to help me fall asleep faster is narrate my thoughts, till a vision comes, and that's usually when the dream starts, and I lose track of certain memories. So last night, I have an MGMT cd playing softly in the background, and the thoughts "Wonder what the concert will be like?", "Wonder if they feel as strongly as I do toward them?", "How am I going to get there?", "Hope I get a job", "I need to hook the printer up so I can print these applications out", "Can't wait till I get my car back", "I want to see Adam for his birthday", the image of a bonfire at the Melcher household, is in the background of my thoughts, and serves as what eventually became the rest of my dreams.

I probably should have turned my phone off, because I was interrupted a few times, but for the most part I was able to keep focus on my dream. Plus, the incoming information helped bring renewed life to my mental landscape.

I vaguely remember one dream. Mostly delusions of grandeur, but I was a successful producer/director. In fact I was the first to revolutionize the industry by releasing my films exclusively via the internet for free, and was able to maintain a sustainable business model doing so. I wasn't crazy rich, but I could afford to start new projects if needed, and my family had a decent means of living. There was one video, about "crustacean news-anchors" that caught on, and skyrocketed my popularity on Youtube.

I never had the idea, till I seen it in my dreams. (I guess kinda like how James Cameron, had the idea for AVATAR) So when I get to a point where I can make that video, I will :) I can see it being very funny, and making me known around certain internet circles :)

There were many, but not that stood out. The good news is, I'll be consciously involved with my dreams tonight as well. This'll probably be my last post on the matter, unless of course something amazing happens tonight, but I like exploring this part of myself. I enjoy it, more than most people probably should.

The night is young, I'll be on my merry way.

goodnight, and good luck.

ps- if you'd like a link to the song at the top of this post, shoot me an email or a comment or something :)

Pizza Dreams

Tonight will be an interesting night, I have plans to consciously be apart of my dreams. I've actually already been kinda doing it, I wanna say these past two or three nights, but tonight is different, in that I'll be paying attention. More player, than participant.

I've tried this before, and there are some drawbacks. For starters, no notetaking. I mean there is, but my memory isn't that great. Like I remember feelings, more than anything. It's very seldom that I remember events, unless they are very strong.

I used to have to worry about being interrupted, but not tonight. Peeps know better to not mess with me, these days. This was a problem, because they'd wake me, and I'd get scared, or even worse, I'd be afraid of being woken, that I'd rush whatever it was that I was doing, and not really enjoy it as much as I should have.

Then another problem I guess is that at times, I'd have "horny dreams". But I have enough self control to resist the allure that they do offer. Plus I've had like a million of'm, I'm sooooo over'm :)

I want to keep a dream journal, but not here. I have posted my dreams on more than one occasion here, but I dunno. They may be too revealing, for even myself.

There are parts of me, I still have to discover. Parts of me, I'll never admit to. If I'm going to take something to the grave, I at least would like to know what it is. Maybe I'll never find out (in this life at least). I wonder what I have to offer myself. Do I even have anything to offer?

I have much dreaming to do.

goodnight, and good luck out there.

with love, luis miguel rivera.

Unscathed... For The Most Part

So it's been a couple days now, and the cut on my face is healing up. Today is actually the first day that I didn't leave the bandage on. It still looks like shit, but I don't know, I think the scar adds to my personality. I've been hurt, and now the whole world can see it on my face.

One sec, let me take a video, and extract a still to put up here. This should take one second. Hold on.



Ok, so it doesn't look so bad, but my cheek bone hurt like a mother fucking biotch. (pardon my french) I have to go to sleep early tonight, because tomorrow I'll be dropping of an application of at Tijuana Flats, for a job as a cashier. Boss man told me to drop it off between 2 and 4, so I don't want to be asleep then.

Man, this insomnia reminds me of the days when I first got back from Cali, and I had difficulty telling the difference between my waking moments, and when I was in fact dreaming. The nostalgia is coming back, and it's no bueno.

It's like I've seen it all before, and my life is that predictable. I'll stick a fork in my horoscope, and that's just what I'll do. Hope I don't get lost :)



good luck, and good night

Hurting Yourself... Well Hurts!

Yesterday, I was helping mother with some yardwork, cutting some trees that in her eyes were unsightly, and my cousin Kevin and I were doing quite well, till it was my turn again, and it was one of the last two trees. I was whacking away, and this particular one was a bit drier than the other one's I had already hacked away at. Long-story-short, I hit it, the machete ricocheted back at my face, and got me on the right side of my jaw bone, near the eye. Lucky for me, it was the dull end, and not the sharp side, otherwise I'd be in a hospital, undergoing surgery. I'm not going to lie though, this shit hurts like a bitch. The area around it, feels fractured, but nothing serious enough to merit medical attention, at least yet. Anyways, here's a video that was taken before, and another one that was taken after. (If I would of gotten one of the accident, I'd be a Youtube demigod overnight, just sayin')



and of course:



So please guys, be careful :)

goodnight :)

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

I was watching The Rotten Tomatoes Show, which is where I get a lot of movie recommendations from, and Russel Brand [Get Him To The Greek; Forgetting Sarah Marshall] did a little bit where he gave his 5 favorite films, and one of them happen to be this little gem that I recently watched.

It's from 1975, and it's called "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest". It won all kinds of awards, and honors, and what have you, but I personally found the movie a very good watch. I really hope that someday, they remake this movie, to expose this movie to a newer generation. Jack Nicholson just really nails this one, and I'm so glad he played the part.

[Spoiler: I'm about to summarize the plot.]

Jack Nicholson plays the part of McMurphy. McMurphy is in a mental institution, because he needs to be "evaluated", to see whether or not he's really mentally ill or just faking it, otherwise back to the slammer. Throughout the movie he rallies the support of the others, and these guys actually make real progress. It's later determined that he isn't so much crazy, as a threat, but they keep him there anyway as sort of a punishment. Things really get interesting when attempts are made to escape.

I don't want to give away too much, but it's definitely worth your time, and you should go rent it if you can. Or however you watch your movies :) It's out on Blu-Ray and DVD, so quit reading this, and GO!

Here are some stills:







good luck, and good night :)

with love, luis miguel rivera

Another Ode To Victoria Justice (VIDEO)

Courage and Soul

This morning I had a very bizarre dream, I was lucid. It stook out to me, and I've been running it over and over in my head. I don't know what it means, but maybe if I share it, it'll come to me. The dream, as best I can remember it, is as follows:

My location, it's a wartime setting. Bombs, and guns are going off all around me. In the distance, I can see a little girl. She looks very familiar, almost like family. Guessing by her height I'd say she was no more than eight. I look up, and everything went in slow motion. There was a grenade or something that was flying over my head, and towards the girl. She was maybe fifteen feet from me, and I knew I wasn't going to get to her in time. All of a sudden there was a really bright flash. Silence all around me. The shock knocks me off my feet, and I find myself laying parallel to her on the ground, facing one another. She didn't have to say a word, I could tell by her bleached eyes that she had been blinded by the flash. I keep her in my embrace, and hold her tightly. Like she was the most important thing to me. The dreams ends with a feeling that everything was going to be ok, she looked me in the eyes, and I cried.

When I woke, it was the strangest feeling, because it felt so real to me. I remember my eyes were watery, as if I had been crying myself. I wasn't awake for long, though. I quickly went back to sleep, and had another dream, that I don't remember. Nonetheless, I spent my morning pondering about the girl in my dream. I felt really attached to her. Even though I didn't recognize her at all.


The girl from my dream looked similar to how Dakota Fanning looks in this picture.

I don't usually journal my dreams, or study them; mostly because I don't remember them, but this one felt so strong to me, that I felt like sharing it. If anyone reading this happens to be a dream therapist, or knows one, please get at me.

pleasant dreams all, goodnight :)

who knows, maybe you'll be in my dreams?

Igniting Internal Miracles

I got this in an email newsletter, sent to me today, I just find it crazy how this relates to me exactly in this moment. Have a look:

Any miracle in the material world must be preceded by a miraculous change in your own character. Physical reality and human nature are intimately connected. When you create an extraordinary transformation within, the power allows the universe to externally express this inner change.

Today, free yourself from tiny bits of selfishness, envy, anger and self-pity. By rejecting these negative temptations, you will be free to ignite the power of miracles.

Ramblings: I

yeah, it's fine if you guys go ahead and smoke right before the mgmt convert but. i've heard their songs before high, and not high. i prefer listening to them high, because their effect is much better, but i wouldn't want my first live experience with them to be under an influence. even though i know that they'll be high probably. the only universe i'd smoke in, would be if for some odd reason, it was andrew vanwyngarden himself passing me the joint. there's a time and a place for everything, and i think then would be appropriate.

i'm rambling on, and just really letting whatever comes to me right now, i'm in a trance right now. i want to practice a lighthearted, positive thinking session. what about me do i like? i was asked this one time, and i avoided the question. namely because i was inexperienced, and could give the answer that person wanted. but now, if you were to ask me now, what do i like about myself? i like the choices that i'm starting to take. i like the direction my life is going in. i like, that i'm likable. most people find me annoying or bizarre, or out of this world, when they first meet me, but i'm just you. i'm you, in another skin blanket. that's all.


Who is in control of your thoughts?
I'll tell you that I'm in control of my thoughts, even though sajan, will disagree. I appreciate the manner in which thoughts come and go as they please. It's like my brain has a "for rent" sign on it, and the 'good' thoughts, the ones that can afford rent, i keep.

Who is in control of your feelings?
This may surprise people, because I come off as insensitive at times, like I don't care. The truth of the matter is that I am extremely sensitive to other peoples feelings, and general moods. Like I FEEL, a lot stronger (with more passion), and am more sensitive to feeling, than what most people think. ps - i've cried during films :)

ok, and that was twenty minutes.

---------------------------------
NOTE: I wrote this during a twenty-minute light relaxation, "super learning", positive thinking session. During which listened to alpha waves 8 - 12 Hz, and nothing has been edited (i.e. there may be grammatical errors, etc.)

Metanoia

These past couple weeks since I've been back, have been a real eye opener for me. I've done things, that I'm not necessarily proud of, and now I'm paying the consequences. Where my life is headed, is toward true genuine goodness, and wholeheartedness. Recently I made a promise to myself, that I'm making public now, I suppose. I'm not going to smoke weed anymore, or really do anything that would affect my ability to make a conscious choice. There's a time, and place for delving into vices, but just doing them without awareness, is a very dangerous thing; at least for me, I'm not myself. I turn into a monster of sorts. I forget who I AM. I'm tired of living in the "parallel synchronized randomness" universe, and am choosing to live a life that I'm proud of, one that isn't dictated by the falling out of random events, but of my own conscious choices. I know that wherever I go, and whatever I do, I'll be supported, so with that understanding, I might as well go after what I'm passionate about.

I don't have a job anymore, so I have lots of free time. Time to research, watch films, listen to music, help around the house, exercise, work on my self-image, and really just be myself for a while. Like my happiness for instance, is something that I value more than anything, and lately I've been kinda sad. I'm going to work on being more lighthearted.

The title of this post "Metanoia" was mentioned to me by father this morning, and it struck a chord with me. Not only because it's the title of one of my favorite MGMT songs, but because he gave me the definition, and it's "a transformative change of heart". It was rather peculiar, because I had a change of heart a couple days ago, and here my father was, mentioning it to me. That was probably one of the clearest signs, I've ever had.

"But damn my luck and damn these friends
That keep on combing back their smiles
I save my grace with half-assed guilt
And lay down the quilt upon the lawn
Spread my arms and soak up congratulations."
- Congratulations by MGMT

Tomorrow is another day, good luck out there.

with love, luis miguel rivera

Hot Tottie

Well The Appalachian trail saga, ended prematurely, but all is not lost. I've learned, and am still learning. All fated things happen, rather by choice or chance matters not. All fated things happen.


I'm getting back into a rhythm again, so you guys should see a lot more blog posts.


love you

As Strange As It Seems...

...I'd rather dissolve than have you ignore me.

Earlier in the month I was going to do a "Bookmark" post. You know, like the one that I did before attending Qi Revolution. Well the pace at which events have been unfolding, is so fast, it's already old and common knowledge by the time I write them here. So I halted work on a "Bookmark" post, and have started this new one.



I've been getting many questions about my trip, and I have to give half-assed answers, because the truth is, I don't know. Any great thinker, can have that as a base principle, and it'll be no truer, in the end, when all has been thunk. Information is progressive, and evolves and develops with time.

By the time I'm done with this hike, maybe I'll have answers. But the more common reality, and hope is, that I'll have even more questions. Questions that'll push me even deeper. Ideas that'll push me deeper. I can't lie, and tell you that I'm starting this trip with a clean slate. In both a metaphorical, and perhaps literal sense, I haven't done my chores. I still have secrets to decode, and books to read.

Tomorrow is my last full day in the "Real World", whatever that means anymore. Lots of energy to be passed around. I have many rounds to make, farewells, and too-da-loo's to unscrew, before I get this wheel a turnin'.

Damn, I can't concentrate, it's this song. I'm in lust.



Oh well. This thought wasn't meant to be fully thunk.

By the way, I got a tattoo:



Flash Delirium!

For sure, my next post will be along the Appalachian trail.

in love, and light

Luis Miguel Rivera

Ein Liehespaar: How To Make Love w/out Touching

Man, this past month, and especially these past couple days I've just been on other planets. I guess that's to be expected, as I'm nearing my life changing hike. By the way, I don't think I've mentioned it yet on my blog, but my by best friend Sajan Melcher, and I will be hiking The Appalachian trail, all the way up to Maine, beginning on the 30th of this month. I've already put in my two-week notice, at work, and am trying my hardest to hook Devin up with my soon-to-be old job.

Hopefully, I'll find a way to upload videos, and post pictures up, as we do new things, and meet new people.

Em, other than a catchy title, I don't really have a purpose for this post. So what I'm going to do, is channel my thoughts, and write them here as they come to me. Prepare yourself, a new dawn is rising, somewhere, everywhere, forever and ever, Amen.

Hmm, the brain - antennae of the mind. Think of all the physical frequencies that are measurable, today. You've got frequencies for television, radio, wireless internet, blue tooth, cell phone towers, gamma rays, etc; and then now think of all the other higher-spiritual-frequencies that we can't measure just yet, at least with physical instruments; but that your mind, body, and soul are definitely picking up on, and even transmitting sometimes, the strongest, or at least most common frequency being love.

This force that is love, is responsible for every single person, that has ever lived and died on Carl Sagan's Blue Dot (a.k.a - Earth); there was a consciousness that put you right here, at this time, reading these words. Then, if love put you here, what are you doing, to honor that love? i.e. -

---

Another day, has passed. I'm on my lunch break, and this is what I was writing at work.


Sleepless, yet restless I remain,
for in you
I have new domain.

Beauty is
i, you, we, me, us

creation, destruction
molecular reconstruction
of the shiny hibiscus

For what is Love?
I don't know, but beauty still remains
i, you, we, me, us.

Again I ask,
What is Love?

Confusion, obtrusion
silver sinner, and lust
highs, and lows
blue moons, and newfound woes

Love has got to be a rhythm
ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum

Five beats, not four,
another more will overscore,
another less, underperforms

For Love is Five.

Mutations of newfolk, even spore
make most five-fingered gnomes
too happy, and giddy for
low test scores.

Apples, and Oranges
Diamonds, and Dust
I am You, You are I
We are One,
One is everything
i, you, we, me, us

The squinters, are wincers,
loving winter, for us;
the glarers, we stare, and perform
acts of lust:
And what is lust,
in the world where
to reason is treason,
and lying is a must?

You're going ahead,
but not really;
don't lose focus
for beauty can also be lust,

I love you,
you love me,
even breifly,
i, you, we, me, us
and where do I go,
to lend counsel & trust?;
to the convicted felons
of leisure & lust.

For...
Lust is a must,
and can be trust,
even in the world
of reason and treason;

For lust is a no-numbher,
much unlike love.

Quint, Cinco, Five
lust is alive.

The limitation is
the beholder, accept
no imitation.

Five is the season,
and the season's
almost over.

Four-leaf clovers,
and pixie dust
aren't necessary
for five.

Cinco isn't lust,
but it's most definitely
a part.

Part lies, parts seasons,
part ways, for different
reasons.

Children, and lesions
may be some reasons
to leave for a season,

Always coming back to
that time, when it
simply just was,

A perfect lust,
maybe, perhaps;
i, you, we, me us.

---

So yeah, I wrote that this morning at work, whilst I was riding off of the vibes from the night (if I can call it that) prior.

I feel like everything's a blur, almost like my life isn't real. My body is going through these motions, but where's my soul? Am I really tuning in to something higher? Or am I just higher?

I'm in some pain. The simple act of walking, is such a disorienting, and unfamiliar experience. I think I've pushed myself a bit much this time, and just need to recover.

I salute the God within you. Namaste :)

Fire In Your Hole

Here, courtesy of Nick Montes from NickMontes.com is mineself attempting the "Fire In Ur Hole" Challenge @ Munchies: 420, in Sarasota, FL



I guess the good stuff starts around 1:50 into the video.

High And Low

So a couple mornings ago, I kind of accidentally discovered something that's quite amazing. So I have many friends, who for whatever reason don't and won't smoke weed, I respect their opinions, and they are entitled to them. I found a way to semi-experience the same kind of high that you get when you smoke weed (of course this is assuming it's quality cannabis), and it requires basically zero effort. One of the many effects that weed has when you smoke it, is that your blood flow slows down, and this may impair your mental/motor functions. One of the more exciting things that I really really, enjoy doing is, listening to music. When all your attention is focused on one thing, the experience is way way way much better.

A couple mornings ago, I woke up early (5:30-ish) for work. Actually I take that back, I didn't fully wake up, and so what I decided to do, without even thinking, I had my MGMT CD, in the CD player nearby, and headphones, and I just hit play; before I was even upright, and just laid back and listened. And I remember hearing the music, and it sounded like it would if I had a mild high. My theory is that, because it's very early, and since your noggin isn't at full capacity just yet, everything is still very lucid, so you can focus on one thing, as if you were high.

So if you're curious as to how it may feel like to be high, without actually doing so, I recommend that exercise, of immediately listening to music upon waking, and just laying there, relaxed.

A couple pointers, I recommend listening to music that you know all the words to (if there are lyrics at all), and it may also help if you wake at an hour where it's still dark outside. I also recommend not making too much movement. DO NOT STAND UP OUT OF BED. If you must, have your music ready by the bedside the night prior. It's very important that you trick your body, and brain to remain as dormant as possible.

I am actually very curious, as to anyone to who is going to try this, how their experience goes. So please by all means leave comments. I do read them.

Much love,

talk to you later.

Death of A Father

The icon, the legend, Richard Dunn has passed away. He was a young and gentle soul, my love and thoughts go to the Dunn family. I'll keep this post short, because he'd want it that way. Richard Dunn, you helped me through many of my tougher teenage years, thank you for bringing happiness to my life. http://weluvricharddunn.com


Here is a classic Richard Dunn, doing what he does best, only the way he can do it.

Making Up Your Mind

Where this goes, nobody knows. Right now would be one of those moments. Creeps walk by, with an eye in the sky, and their nose there too. What one does, and what one means aren't always honest with each other. Those old extinct souls, how beautiful. How beautiful it is to be more closer to us than ever. Listen for it, it feels like someone kissing. What is done, is done, and can be undone, just for fun. Hun, I've got a gun. Ready to save everyone, just for fun. Blenders, steel car fender benders, and flash guns, these are the things that complicate the fates of many a soul. We pledge allegiance to ours souls, because they're the only things left in between the stars. Getting laid, not so much. Tie the noose, cut it off, and fall in to your arms, you trickster you. You're the one who takes it away, and gives it back, can't you see the faithful around you. We've got the passion, the vision, and a pistol to kick start, the fairy boat that won't start. Fix the tiger, and live the moment. This is your chance to fly away. Away, Away, to the ceilings where drug dealers live. Control son, lessen the poison. Pump your truth, without reason. Secrets of a Unicorn: We serve only one, and in that way, we are the ultimate vessel of love. Moon: Hello Florida, goodbye Serafinowicz. You can follow the trickster, or the yellow smoke, none will take you where you want, but if you can open your eyes, you'll see that the trickster was really you all along. Imagine that, you stop you, stop you, stop me, stop you, stop. You can wish me congratulations, or fight the gods, regardless you'll see me on your front lawn. Trusty Cola by my side, how much I deny you. Please forgive me. The questionable things of the past, are said and done. And are no longer fun. Forgive me, and love me, love you, love we, love who? Forever, and ever Amen.

The Bookmark: I

Right now, what I'm doing is bookmarking where exactly I am in my life. I'll be attending the third annual Qi Revolution, and I can't pretend that I won't be affected.

At this present time and moment (8:13 Thursday, May 20, 2009) I have $744.92, and I'm getting some money direct deposited into my account at midnight so that number won't be accurate in some hours. Nonetheless, I'm saving up to write Devin a $2,000.00 check for knocking his teeth out almost a year ago. At present, I am working at Gettel Toyota, and am very happy as a Lot Porter. I have two beautiful sisters, whom I love very much, Angelica, and Deborah. I'm living with my mom, in her hubby's apartment. I'm deeply in love, with the band MGMT. I've been listening to the "Congratulations" album at least twice everyday, and when I'm not, I find myself hypnotized by some very key lyrics, all throughout the day. I'm slowly easing off of a 3/4 year "Tim and Eric" high; however there are some words like and phrases (Dads, Spaghetti, Meatballs, Stay in School, etc) that'll spontaneously conjure up an utterance or two, aloud or within me. I'm at a point where I'm cautiously open, if I can say that, to many influences, and the thing about it is, that they seem to come to me at the perfect time in my life. I say cautiously, because, I do try to be conscious of the actions I take, and how they affect me, and those around me. If I do something that I know I'm going to regret in the morning, I try my hardest to contain it, and not let it spread like a wildfire. Lord knows, how many domino pieces, I've tripped over and over. The thing about it is, that once you flick one over, the chain-reaction starts, and then you have to take responsibility for making a mess of yourself.

Stray Thought: Man I started a "Time Traveling" post that tomorrow turns exactly one month since I began it, and it's yet to be published. Hee, hee. Oh well. I'll have to work on that on my own time.

I'm very generous with my money, especially these days. For the longest, I've been living off the trickling down of life-support from my friends, and I feel it's finally my turn to put my energy in the mass queue, and return the many favors, and acts of generosity that people uplifted me with in my time of need.

Physically, right now I am gaining the most weight I've ever gained in my whole life. Which is a very, very good thing for me. I'm really just stuffing my face every chance I get, so that I can bulk up. I'm still rather slender, in fact very, but I am getting stronger arms and legs, everyday. With an undesired preference to the right side, because I use my right leg and arm more throughout the day. Nonetheless, I'm getting stronger.

Mentally, I'm not going through any bouts of depression, or insecurity, which is very good. I still have loopy thoughts, and am quite obsessive, especially when it comes to things I like, but that's only because I'm aware that they are important to me, on a very spiritual and subconscious level. Spiritually "Tim and Eric" are perhaps less than fulfilling, but they are definitely ingrained within me subconsciously, but 3/4 years of anything will do that to you. What I am actually surprised is how quickly I was able to embrace the band MGMT, into my mental state. They are lyrically hypnotic, and there is something spiritual definitely going on there. It's no mistake, they discovered me.

Religiously, oh dear. Gods loves you, and wants you to do nice things. That's the extent of my feelings toward religion.

Sexually, lacking, and certainly open to much more of it.

Love, oh dear. I'm at a point where my heart is giving, and forgiving all the same. I talk to people, at times (and texting people too these days), and I just feel like I'm playing on a completely different playing field. The emotional connection between I and my last girlfriend, Holly, is virtually non-existent, and so I kind of feel like I was using her the whole time, so I can definitely come off as insensitive, but that's because, the passion and emotion was never there to begin with. We were puppets, playing roles. Unaware we were hurting each other (from a spiritual standpoint) all along. Right now, I'm just looking for an honest soul. "An extinct soul... lost in an eternal shrine." I just hope that that that missing person is as open and listening. Tonight, I'm praying that I myself will be open and listening, myself to realize said honest soul.

Futuristically, I'm looking forward to the day Savannah Joy Rivera, and Delilah Capri Rivera, my two daughters are born, but that's a long ways away. Hee, Hee. I honestly am taking each day as it comes to me. I think I'll be at a better position to speak on my future after I finish paying for Devin's teeth. It's a guilt I've been living with, since that ill-fated afternoon.

Musically, I'm friggin obsessed with MGMT, they are the perfect group, and I love everything that Andrew VanWyngarden utters. Lyrically there is none more poetic, and their delivery really hits me on every level I can think of; consciously, sub-consciously, spiritually, sexually, etc. Okay, I'm joking about the sexual part, but you catch me. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I discovered the band on my own. In the past I was influenced by Sajan, for which I have to thank for the lust I have towards Muse, and Coldplay. But this was finally something that I found, and that I relate to very closely. More closely than my past favs Muse, and Coldplay.

Luck, I've been plagued with the absolute best luck in the world, and wouldn't change it for a thing.

Fate, with every challenge I'm overcoming, I keep setting the bar higher, and higher. I've had my fair share of falls, but I aim for victory, always.

Living, once you realize it's all an illusion, have fun. Go ahead and "fuck with stars", and that "All is well, if the ticket sells".

Death, I can't tell what's really there, but maybe there is some closure in it all. As selfish as it may seem, to myself, this will be my last life. I want to learn all my lessons in this life. This will be my hardest one. It's the final stepping stone. Love, love, love, all along the way, and when you can't, love some more, because you can, always.

in light, and love.
farewell, i'll see you on tuesday/wednesday.

ps- my phone'll be off, but i'll try to keep my facebook updated as much as possible.

An Anonymous Letter

It's way past my normal sleeping time, but I'm having these rambling thoughts again, and as irrelevant I tried to make you be in my life, your presense pervades my thoughts, and I can't keep you off my mind. When I had my go with you, I pushed you away. Namely for practical purposes, but as I'm reaching a point where that's starting to become irrelevant, I want you back in my life. Not as a lover, but as a friend. There are things I can share with you as a friend that I probably would shy away from, in the role of lover.

Hmm... role of lover... I'm surprised I would use those words, in that assortment... almost as if my true self isn't genuine enough; I have to make up these characters and personas, to satisfy the individual, or the mass populli.

Regardless, I want to deepen our friendship, that seems to be facading with each passing day. No ulterior motiffs, I just want to have fun. You made me laugh. And I dearly miss laughing. I've had to amuse myself my whole life pretty much, in order to keep myself sane. The monotonous, day-to-day rituals are taking a toll on me, and I want out.

I thought I was going to write on forever, but the more I think of what I want to say to you, the more I see that it's unnessecary. Just know that I love you, and want to be friends.

in light and love,
luis miguel rivera

Oh Marianne, Pass Me The Joint

Hebbo, and Hello everyone. Today is 4/20, and although I won't be partaking in the pepper-yippy giddiness that happens on 4/20 this year, I know that some of you reading my blog might. So I'd like to share with you my favorite song from the new MGMT album. It's called 'Siberian Breaks'. The best way I can describe it as, a college-sounding experimental acid trip, GONE HORRIBLY RIGHT! It's lyrically blessed by his holiness, The Pope, himself, and most definitely deserves your attention. It runs a little over twelve minutes. So close your eyes, do whatever it is that you do, and immerse yourself in a world of mass euphoria. Now go deep-fry your brain in some caramel, and tell me how it goes :)

'Siberian Breaks' - MGMT

Sleep as the goer
the bridge that watches the light speed through
and cries while the spirit stumbles
the inside missile for the protection of you

maybe it's silent
the voice can't bear anymore, strain
but speak without even knowing
and streams outside, in the direction of truth

There's no reason, there's no secrets to decode
if you can't save it, leave it dying on the road.
Wide open arms can feel so cold,
so cold,
feel so cold.

Balance the books, the ledges, the loons,
the disappointed look on the faces
that squint at the moon.
Let's see it with shadows enhanced,
and then vote to decide who'll advance.
Silver jet plane, making a turn
exciting the brain that expects it to crash and then burn.
It's not the life lesson I'd've guessed,
if you're conscious you must be depressed,
or at least cynical...
but someone might still eat the steaks,
even if they're tough.
Spending the day,
chewing the fat.
Floating away isn't rough but it's not enough.
Oh Marianne, pass me the joint
The sandpaper's tan
go-getters are surfing the point,
and London's a scratch on the lens.
It's over before it begins.
Silk 'round her neck falls down to her shoulders,
the older I get, the more I suspect there's a trick,
but really there's no trip at all,
that doesn't result in a fall,
or a faltering...
but something could spit out the bait,
even if it's real.
Rolling away,
missing a spoke,
close to the ground like a wheel, but it's not a joke.
Holding the line,
clutching the phone,
nobly wasting the night, but it isn't right,
it's not right.
Smelling for blood,
praying for rain,
running away isn't rough, but it's not enough

The low tide is telling me, when it's over,
to breathe in everything exposed,
and comes back to cover me with a blanket.
Being here's always changing tunes

[ooh ooh]

[falling...]

The empty sky surrounds me, but I can't see at all...
Wide open arms can feel so cold...
and you can sit beside me, and tell me what it's worth...
but I hope I die before I get sold...
I hope I die before I get sold...
I'd rather die before I get sold...

If you find the soul that you lost,
frozen in a starry void,
take it within, and hope the sight of blood
can will signs of life to return...
back to the way that it was,
long before it made a noise,
to keep on quietly reminding you
what's never created or destroyed.

Wake as the swell peaks
the close-outs drowning the birds with roars
and howls scare the new unkindness
that picks and laughs at the carrion scene.

Forces you see breath can always go into hiding
and wait 'til it passes over
or stay far gone for all eternity...



ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK!!!

Have fun :)

Thought I'd Never See, The Love You Found In Me

It's ironic, how I can love someone. Truly, wholeheartedly, with every fiber of my being. And the second I say it, the second I put it out there, it becomes a little less true, every time. I keep to myself, namely because, I'm afraid. Afraid that I can love someone, and mean it. I'm a great lover, but a horrible boyfriend. When I tried to think of a reason for why this is so, I came to the idea that the way I love, is unexpected. No one really sees it coming. No one really know where it goes. Not even me. When I'm in the role of boyfriend, a certain expectation is held. One that's plagued many. The expectation, that said lover, will love you. I figured this to be true, because that's exactly what I expect from someone that I love, that they'll love me back. I think the secret to truly experiencing love, is to remove that expectation. Just love. Love, love, love, with all your heart (or at least a sizeable portion :]), then that unexpected something, happens. People pick up on your vibes. No words have to be said. And the viral outbreak, that is love happens. Unexpected things happen when you love yourself. You've forgiven yourself, enough to let others forgive you, and show you their mercy. And to freely give that, without expectation, that's what it means to love. The way I worded it, probably made it sound a bit complex, but it really isn't. The whole thing can be summed up, in the quote I had in my last post. (It actually turned to a stray thought, which eventually led to what you're reading right now)


Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, “you owe me.” Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky. ~Hafiz of Shiraz

Be that beacon of light. Be love. Love. That's it. People will love you, and if they don't, that's ok too, because you love them, and if you don't, that's ok too, because I'll love them for you :)

iloveyou

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White Lily Laugh

The pace of my days are picking up. Days are turnings, to weeks, are turning to months. I'm doing things again. I'm getting out. I'm living out. For a good long while, it felt as if I was confined to the likes of my own silly odd thoughts. Everyday seempt like I was in my own little world, and all the people in it were part of some elaborate story I conjured up. To my dismay, and ironically fortunate, it was all real. All of it. Except me. Sometimes, I'm not fully there. Like right now, I honestly don't know where I'm going with this, but I'm just letting my thoughts ramble on, until they makes sense. I tend to do that a lot. I'll be at work, and my mind will just start having a conversation with itself, and every once in a while I'll answer out loud or something, and Chris Lee will be like,'What did you say?', and out of some silly guilt, I'll play it off, or quickly devise a ruse to distract. For instance, I was having thoughts to myself about how girls can pretty much get away with anything that they want, and that they don't realize how much power they truly have. So I blurted "Man, I wish I was a girl!". And I got looks from the people at my place of work, like 'Okay, then', none-the-less, I had an interesting time explaining that one.

Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, “you owe me.” Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky. ~Hafiz of Shiraz

I looove that quote!

I've actually started having new thoughts, that I won't share today, I'll save it for tomorrow's post. Which I'll be starting as soon as I publish this.

So hosh, bosh, Macintosh.

love, luis

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"Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other" - Jerry Springer

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An Ode to Victoria Justice

Today my life has changed. I went in my sisters room, because I had clothes in their. The Nickelodeon channel just so happened to be on, and my sister was watching it. I happened to glimpse at the screen, and just seen the most beautiful, and stunning girl in the world. There was a commercial on, for The Big Help, which is some kind of award that Nickelodeon gives every year. Well anyways, I seen her, and immediately fell in love. Really I did!

I was like, WHO IS THAT!?!?!

And my sister, knowing her Nickelodeon fairly well, told me her name was, Victoria Justice. I've only known about her for a couple hours, and I just finished watching the first episode of her show Victorious, but boy, I feel like, I've known her forever. The universe is definitely on my side, with this one.



♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Casual Dementia

I have rambling thoughts at 2:51 in the A.M., that are keeping me up, so I figured, I'd play some MGMT, and start writing. If there was ever a time that I really needed to be writing a blog, I think it would of been during my time in California. Just my head, was literally in another place. When you spend the majority of your time alone, you have conversations with yourself. I was, still am, my own therapist. I do remember feeling stuck at times, but that's to be expected. After my brother past away, I remember having to kind of just shut down that little voice in my head, the one that helps me make conscious choices, and instead of getting the next plane ticket out of there, to be with my mother in her time of grief, I selfishly stayed there. No definite goal, or plan, just a feeling that I was where I had to be, at the time, oddly in sync. Even before I left, I went with a mother-load of guilt, namely because of Devin's tooth. Which I'm only now beginning to come around to taking care of. I already called him, and told him what I had planned in regards to that, so yeah. I am at a point right now in my life, were I'm righting a bunch of wrongs. I'm fixing a lot of the leaks and creaks in my cup. I titled this post 'Casual Dementia', because there are times in my life, where it certainly is much easier to forget your responsibilities. To stray a bit from your path, and wander. There's nothing wrong with that at all, just don't get lost.

And then, there was South America. I remember having the thought while I was on the phone with Sajan. Just at the time, we were so overwhelmed with reality, and the stress that comes along. It really just CAME to me. He was complaining, and stuff, about how we need to change our lives, and in a bold, size 72, Times New Roman font, I seen the words SOUTH AMERICA. I ran it past him, and the mental frenzy ensued. Some months pass, and the idea became less, and less plausible. But someday, we'll trip. Just not now. Now is not the time. When the urge comes again. When the feeling's right, we'll go. Not now. I think the idea of South America, as like the great escape, is why it appealed so much to me. I was feeling at a low point in my life, and with the lack of strong friends being around, that only quantified things.

When I came back, it was overwhelming even then. I felt rushed. And riding on that wave, I just partied hard. And in it's own way, that was therapeutic. I had just crazy amounts of emotional baggage, and feelings that I'd been holding in since forever, and then was the most perfect time to release it. Definitely not all of it, but a great majority.

Part of the reason, I haven't been writing, in a good while, is simply because I just don't have a reason to. Back then, when I had all that on my mind, that was quite literally months, and years, of just stored baggage that I had to rid from some of the more darker crevices in my head.

And then I remember losing my mind. I was Donnie Darko.



That was a particularly interesting time. My dreams, had a way of blending with my reality, and where one would drop off, the other would pick up. The worst part was trying to explain it all. I had a particularly interesting episode, where I was aware of this, and so what I did, was I wrote in my blog. Just everything. I could say I easily wrote for like five hours, and then I wake up. And I'm with Michael Lamb, and I think he was on a date or something with Amanda Reedy, at the beach. And I was just OUT OF it. I had woken up in such a random situation, just I thought I was dreaming then. I called Sajan, see if he could make sense of my situation, and he was no help.

Interesting times to say the least.

kay, sleepy time now. goodnight.
love, luis.

Check It Out w/ Dr. Steve Brule

I'M LEAVING FOR JAPAN TOMORROW MORNING!

april fools :)

Kids: IV

So, I've been listening to MGMT's new album, Congratulations, and can say I'm quite fond of it so far. So far I've reached a twelve minute song called "Siberian Breaks", I'm still listening to the album whilst typing this up, so it's a bit challenging for me to appreciate.

******
and my girlfriend JUST broke up with me (whilst writing this)
******

ok, I won't let that phase me, and will continue to write. Man this is a long song... I've watched both of the Twilight films (well listened to, more accurately), and I wouldn't be surprised if Stephanie Myers decided to include "I Found A Whistle", in one of her next films. In fact I'd be more surprised if she didn't. The whole time I was listening to the song, that's the only thing I could think of, "Damn that would sound good in a Twilight movie"

Well I didn't have a certain direction for this post, but I must admit, that this month has been a rather disappointing month for my blog, including this post, I believe there were only 7 posts, as compared to before when I tried to update everyday. But oh well, that's life for ya.

I'm listening to the song "Lady Dada's Nightmare", and it's putting me in quite an unwholesomely gloomy mood.

By the way if you haven't watched this video, like every other self respecting internet citizen, do yourself a favor:


(at the time of this writing it has 3985650 hits)

~~~

I've been feeling quite sick as of late, still do. There is something in the air, that I'm pretty sure my sister infected me with, but I'm doing better. I've been sipping on room temperature V8 juice all day, and that's let me swallow things easier, so my throat isn't in pain anymore.



kay goodnight,

love luis :)

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"I talk about myself in the third person all the time. I don't live my life in the way someone like you does." - Lady Gaga

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Pastimes of Another Life

I ordered through the drive-thru at Burger King, and found out that there was a tomato recession. Great :)
~~~
Man, life's been so fast as of late, I'm just glad that I've found enough time to just sit down, and take a breather.


~~~
Ok, so I'm not under any kind of influence or anything, but I've been having lots of thoughts, so I'm just going to close my eyes, and start typing whatever comes to my head, and see where it goes.
~~~
So I really like my new job. It's pretty neat, I get to drive all the new Toyota's and stuff that need maintenance. I called my father, and he old me "Son, that's the effectiveness of prayer, trust God, his ways are higher", and in a way he was right. Before I applied for the job, I asked him to pray for it. Pray taht I get it, and sure enough I did. I guess that goes to show you taht if you really want something, the universe will align itself for you to make it happen.

An example would be this past Friday, I of just went from none thing to another. Nothing at all was rushed. I had all the time i needed in the world. You know, I used to think that you needed to play with your fate a bit. Be risky. Be dangerous. To really enjoy the heck out of life, but there is just something so, perfect really, is all I can think, of just living in the moment. Even the very slow ones. Especially the slow ones. Lost in a moment. An insignificant moment, endlessly momentous. I also get that feeling when I'm by myself listening to the "Trans-Europe Express" album by Kraftwerk.

I can't seem to recall how I found out about Kraftwerk. For that matter, much of the music that I listen to comes to me by some fated channel. I'll have a sputter of inspiration, and go looking for something. I don't always really know for what, but I know when I find it.

It seems the universe has a way of satisfying my peculiar fondness for odd things. I've been asked, "Luis this is brilliant, How do you find this stuff?" (Ok that first part I made up) but to be quite honest, it finds me.

I really wish I had started blogging a long time ago. I had a rich history that I wish I could of chronicled in some seemingly concrete way. My memories will have to do. (By the way I read an article online somewhere theorizing about the possibility of digitalized thoughts, weird stuff. But that's irrelevant to where I'm going with this.)

Even if it's not South America, I see myself traveling again to a faraway land. Many perhaps. It almost feels like a natural instinct, something is urging, calling for me. I'm just waiting for timing to be just right. I'll feel it. I'll know it, when it comes.

There are lots of places I want to go. China, Puerto Rico, I want to ride a train all through Europe, Japan, Australia, like I'm just thinking of all the different people I'm going to be meeting.

I want to meet the guy from the Dance Floor Dale video. He looks like a modern gentleman.

I remember I titled this blog post the way I did, because I was thinking about past lives, and like what my hobbies would of been. Like I wonder what I inherited, and what I tossed away. Did I even have a past life? Am I a new soul? Or an old one? There are times I feel like an old soul. And it comes out every once in a while, when I give advice. But I could have easily just inherited that from my dad.

It's weird. Growing up, I was a child of two very different parents. My dad, who was kind of the protector figure, and the stable one. And then on the other end, was my mom. A child at heart, free as a bird, quick to adapt. I think that's why they had to be together. They had lessons to learn from each other. I'm so glad that they are both still alive, and in my life in some way or another. From my dad I learn about stability, and the importance of simply having a roof over my head. And then from mom, I learned how to love. How to have fun, be adventurous.

I wonder if I'm all together sometimes, but I realize that some of the pieces have changed places, some aren't even there anymore. It's like weather in Florida, she can be nice, but she can also be a real biotch. The world My world is... changing.

trap it, don't flap it

goodnight :)

love luis

A Prequel to Fatherhood

I've had one of the busiest weekends in forever. I feel like I'm finally aligning with the cosmos. After I've been talking with Holly for days now, we finally got to go out on a couple dates last Friday. I got to spend some quality time on Bradenton Beach, and Marina Jack. I enjoyed the slow parts. Getting lost. All of it really. I also am in the finishing stages of applying at a Toyota dealership. I'd be a porter, if everything works out well. I'd tag cars for service when they come in, and move cars around the lot. So I'm excited for that. Tomorrow, I'll take a drug test, and they've been running a background check on me over the weekend, so it'll be all good when they hire me :)



For the remainder of the weekend, I took care of Kali Elizabeth Diamond's little brother Sebastian. Taking care of him, gave me a very rare glimpse into what it would be like to be a father. Even though I think of him more as MY own little brother, I never got to have, the thought crossed my mind, that ideally when the time comes for me to have a son, I wouldn't mind if he turned out like Sebastian. In fact, he reminds me of my younger self in many ways. I was not tame (still aint) at all. Sebastian is the explorer type, very very curious. We spent the Saturday on the beach, flying a kite. Just there was something so simple about it. Not to mention the several times he fell asleep on me.

I'm feeling more and more like a MAN.

goodnight :)

World Travel: Part 1

I'm going to do it! One way or another :)

Notte Sento

I found this short love story incredibly moving. You'll get it, please do watch :)

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“No matter what a woman looks like, if she's confident, she's sexy.”
- Paris Hilton

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Dreams from Last Night

So in order to use the wi-fi where I live now, I have to go outside, where I get better signal, so I'm going to make this post as quick as possible. I had a really neat idea, and I'm sure it's already out there, but you know how, there is the site Texts From Last Night, and people put text messages they recieved from the night prior, for the world to read, well my idea is sort of similar. It would be called 'Dreams from Last Night', and people could anonymously put up their dreams if they wanted to, for visitors to read, rank, interperet, whatevers. I think it'd be a real hit. Because I have the luxury of my laptop, I am able to immediately wake up and write down my dreams as quick as possible, so I want to share my dreams that I had for the past three days. I actually haven't had the opportunity to read these yet, so do enjoy:)

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Dreams From Last Night 3-7-2010
Dreams From Last Night 3-8-2010
Dreams From Last Night 3-9-2010

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You know, I really like sharing these dreams with you, so occasionally I might put up some of them for you kiddos to read. So the move went rather well, and all is good. And it kind of works out well too, I won't be able to see everyone everyday, like the good ol' days, but when I do, OH YEEAH! I think I'm the kind of person that you wouldn't want to be around 24-hours a day (because you'd probably not have much sanity left), but in controlled busrts, and doses, I can be quite effective. Whatever that means.

~Salame~

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"We are the people who rule the world , A force running in every boy and girl, All rejoicing in the world...Reminiscing other times of life" - 'We Are The People', Empire of The Sun

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Success, Satiable

Many apologies for not writing this past week. I've been waiting for some things to come through before I begin to write about them, but I guess I'll share them anyways. This past week, I got a job interview at The Fresh Market, which was very exciting. I applied for a job at the Deli there, and have yet to hear back from them. I called this morning, and they told me that the job spot was still vacant, so there is still hope. On Friday, I'll be moving, which is a little weird, because I'll be moving again in May. So the house is really a mess, and we'll be giving away furniture, namely our dining set. So if you're interested, get at me :)

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So, The Fresh Market called me back this morning, and I didn't get the position I applied for. Tomorrow, I'm moving. I'll be moving closer to Whole Foods Market in Sarasota, so I'll put in an application there once we move. Em, again sorry for not writing, and keeping you guys up to date. Em, I'm trying to rid myself of the internet alias "Thekockyroach". It has finally dawned upon me, that it quite frankly sounds offensive, and misleading. Especially if it is to be associated with me. So I've already switched out my twitter and my facebook usernames, now I'm really just googling for the rest.

I remember when I first had thunk of "Thekockyroach", it was the last week of middle school, and it was so peculiar sounding, I adopted the name as mine own.

I'm going to try my best to be in Bradenton this weekend, and hang with all my friends, so stay on the lookout for that :)

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"The secret to success is to own nothing, but control everything your world."
- Nelson Rockefeller

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