Nabisco, Awk-Word / World Turned Upside Down

Ok, so some news. My friend, Nina Berithova has a blog now, so check her out.

I also got some pretty fly headphones. Granted they're not as fly as the ones of the guy in the picture below, but they are definitely up there.

Speakers are nice, but they simply don't deliver the rich sound that my tastes require.

On another note, something that I want to address. It's something that I've been doing subconsciously for as long as I've been alive, and been able to remember. It wasn't until recently that it even crossed my mind, as something that I was doing. And what I've noticed is that a solid 80% of any given day, I'm all tense and a little bit jittery. For example, I have a habit of shaking/tapping/etc my foot/knees/leg almost 24-7. I have another habit of always tightening up my stomach muscles, almost as if I was anticipating a punch in the gut from someone. Tapping my pencil, too. I'm always in a rush to get to places, and in a rush to leave. Like I have difficulty staying calm, and enjoying myself in any given situation. I'd say that the only times that I'm calm, and relaxed, would be right when I wake up in the morning (most mornings anyway), and right before I go to sleep. It's very rare, that you'll see me relax, or non-anxious.

And all this never really ever bothered me, until I specifically noticed it. It's always been pretty much natural for me to be this way. What I noticed, is that I don't take time to take LARGE DEEP BREATHS throughout the day. My breathing has always been rather shallow.

So what I want to do is start getting in the habit of slowing down my day, and taking some deep breaths.



On a lighter note, I was thinking of the word (company really, or name) "Nabisco", and I just kept chanting it, and I don't know, it just sounds awkward. Nabisco, is just a bizarre sound. Nabisco, Nabisco, Nabisco, ***eeegghghgheefff***

I've also discovered a Coldplay song that I've never heard before. It's not easy finding this either. If you want the download link, hit me up, and I'll give it to you.



"World Turned Upside Down" - Coldplay

X & Y
The land, sea, rivers, trees, the stars, the sky
That and this
We're part of a bigger plan
Don't know what it is
Don't know what it is

You and me
The land, sun, trees, the sky, the stars, the sea
365 Degrees
I am a puzzle, you're the missing piece
Hang on a minute, just a minute please
I'll come
And everything under the sun
And everything under the sun

Chorus:
What is this feeling that I can't explain
And why am I never gonna sleep again
What is this thing I've never seen before
A little boy lost in a breaking storm

Hide and sob, and away they fly
To write your name in the summer sky
Life has really only just begun
Life that comes
And everything under the sun

X is Y (why)
The land, sea, rivers, trees, the stars, the sky
365 Degrees
All of the surface and the underneath
Searching your mellow and outsings your key, ah
And everything under the sun
And everything under the sun


What is this feeling that I can't explain
And why am I never gonna sleep again
What is this thing I've never seen before
A little boy lost in a breaking storm

Hide and sob, and away they fly
To write your name in the summer sky
Life has really only just begun
Life that comes
And everything under the sun

And you don't know that you've been born
Can't see the calm until the storm
Can't tell your right side from your wrong
Can't see the wave you're riding on


And speaking of the world turned upside down, that's the case for me. If my mother has her way, tomorrow I'll have to move out of the house, because I haven't been able to attain a J-O-B yet. So it'll be interesting to see how these next couple hours play out. For whatever it's worth, keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

Goodnight, and Goodluck

Write Upside Down

With L♥ve, Luis

~Praise Tarvu~
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No matter what you say, what you do, what tools you use your efforts are empty if they're without love.

Today, live your life with love.
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Every Mess, Invested / Too Far, Too Soon

So today I went with my sister to Senior night, she got flowers before the basketball game, and pictures were taken. When I got there, I seen my old Television Productions teacher, Mr. Sanders there, and he was able to show me the brand new studio after the game.

I was quite speechless. When I compare it to what I had to work with when I was working in the old studio, I am just absolutely flabbergasted. If I had the chance to go to high school again, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I would endure four years, if it meant I could work in that studio. Seeing it all, has once again inspired me.

I know it sounds silly, but to me Sanders was kind of like a dad to me. And I felt so embarrassed telling him that I wasn't going to school or doing anything with my life, at present. I told him that I was trying to make it out there in Cali, and that it didn't work out,and he told me "You went too far, too soon". Of all the people in the world, I don't want to disappoint Sanders.

I've made the choice that I do want to go to school again. What school, and how I'm going to pay for it, is still something that I have to decide, and figure out. I know I can't apply for academic scholarships, because my grades tanked, especially my sophomore and junior years, but I think I could probably get money other ways. Something that I noticed, is that there are always "short film" competitions all the time, and if I could get me a camera, and add more stuff to my very petite portfolio, I'd at least know that I was on the right track.



So of my more immediate concerns, I'll be working on filling out more applications, and looking for work. I can start saving. I'll save up for my be-loathed Canon EOS 7D, and get my life on a roll.

For this past week, I've been listening to a lot of "Empire of The Sun", reading a lot, and watching tons of Star Trek. I think it's time to perhaps put more focus on my foundation/roots. Stability is something I have trouble with. If there were such thing as being TOO flexible, I'd fall into that category. For instance, in these past 4/5 years, I personally have moved 5 times (6 times if you count California), and I'm about to move again in March.

And that really had an effect on me. My freshman year, I was living in a place that in my head I figured to be rather stable. My family had been living there for 5 years, and I kind of thought that I'd be there for a long time. As a result, when I started off my freshman year, I put school in front. Nothing mattered more to me than school. I had a weighted GPA of 4.3 my freshman year. The first time I moved, was in my sophomore year. I ended up going to another school, and didn't like it there at all. For the first time in my life, I received a failing grade. By the time we moved again, I was starting up my Junior year at Southeast again, the school I had to abandon the year prior. I was eager to put school again in front. Two things happened my Junior year that I didn't anticipate. 1) That I was going to fall in love with a girl. At the time, it just never occurred to me that would happen, probably ever. 2) That I was going to fall in love a second time, this time with Film.

Before my Junior year was to end, I had a miniature move. It was only across the street, but my things moved none-the-less. By my Senior year, my passion for being in a studio, and working in that environment, had reached an all time high. Early my Senior year I made the decision to venture out to California after high school, and go to "Brooks Institute", I gave all of my friends a years notice, that that was what and where I was going, and doing. Once again, in the middle of my Senior year, we move again. By now, I'm kind of used to it, and its expected.

Lots of things happened between these moves, that shook me up, so I'm going to back track, a little bit. When I moved back to Bradenton my Junior year, I began hanging out, more and more with my friends. They began to occupy more, and more of my time, and energy. I didn't mind it at all, because for the first time, I felt important, I felt like I belonged. I had just spent a year or so of my life, feeling a bit sorry for myself, and really just hating everyday. So to be in company of friends again felt good.

However when it got to the point that everyone was at my house everyday, eating my food, and "disturbing the peace", my Senior year, we moved again to Sarasota. It's a bit far from the group, but my mom felt it necessary, and quite frankly, so did I.

You see, I think through it all, I've been able to adapt really fast, in a short amount of time. And I think that's what I am hopelessly expecting from my life. A quick fix. I guess now I know why part of my life path, includes Stability. It's because, that is something I struggle with, and something I'll be dealing with the rest of my life.

Right before I left for California, to go to school, one of my biggest blunders happened, which I still carry to this day. I was at a birthday party, and all of us were jumping on a trampoline, Devin slips, as I was going up, and my knee knocks a couple of his front teeth out. It was one of the lowest moments of my life. I had to make a decision. One that I will be paying for, many months still to come. I went to California with this freak accident on my conscious. I had to make the choice of abandoning my dreams of going to this school in California (which I ended up doing anyways, ironically), or staying behind and taking care of my responsibilities, and tending to Devin. I made the choice of going to California, because I really thought I'd have the best of both worlds, I could make it out here, become successful, Devin's teeth would of been paid for many times over, I would of started up Rivera Independent, and be well on my way to Vimeo super-stardom. Joining the ranks of Philip Bloom, and at my young age, I'd be the youngest, and brightest. Quite frankly, I still am, just don't have the tools I need. But instead of acting out of love, I acted for myself. I let my ego take over, and I did one of the most selfish things someone could do. I betrayed a friend.

I guess that's why I'm back now. Not only was California out of my league, the lifestyle I was living, and the one I was expecting weren't feasible. I couldn't live with myself, knowing that I did that to a friend. Perhaps, someday I'll be able to look at all this in retrospect, and see that this was all for the highest good, but I don't see that, at present.

I'm struggling to live a more conscious life. One of love. I need to know that what I do not only matters, but is good, and positive. And I know the whole mumbo jumbo, about good and bad, only being perceptions, but I quite frankly am stuck in this reality, and have yet to transcend. Until then, I will do my best. My best to love. My best to be responsible. My best to be proud of my life, with no regrets.

I have one more thing to say, but I'll have to save it for tomorrow. Because it's fairly lengthy, and takes quite a great deal to explain.

"Whatever makes you happy, whatever you want, you're so fucking special..." -Radiohead

with love, luis.

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Everything begins and ends with our own individual behavior.

When we are honest with our emotions, however dark they may be, we invite others to be real and to face their own pain. And then real transformation can occur - that's how we are going to fix this planet.

But when we suppress, when we are fake, we send a message out to others that they need to be fake too and hold in their truth. This is how things will remain the same.

Today, be real. You don't need to be anyone else but who you are. Being honest helps the rest of us find our truth.


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Happy Yoke, I Spoke

I just got off the phone with Tiona Lotspeich, and to many of you, that is no one. Tiona Lotspeich was my Admissions lady to Brooks Institute (the school I ended up bailing on when I got to California), and it amazed me, that after a year and a half, from our first talks on the phone, she still wants me going to that school. We literally hadn't spoken in a solid 6 or 7 months, and she's talking to me as if it were only yesterday, and as if I still had plans to go to school there. Well I tried my best to let her know that I had no interest of going back, but I don't think she heard that. She said she would call me back. :|



Well I've been listening to this band, Empire of the Sun. They are no, MGMT, but I can certainly see they were definitely an inspiration. Check them out here:

http://goo.gl/chBw
will they be my new obsession? meh

Today, I watched an episode of Star Trek, with my little sister Deborah. It's called "Projections". Without giving too much of it away, the episode helped pontificate further on the video that was on my last post, about our perception of reality, and how we experience it. Something that I noticed about Debby, is that she is very curious, and that she isn't afraid to ask questions. I remember when I was her age, at 12, even then, I too was curious, just like her. When the episode was done with, we ended up having a two hour talk about the nature of reality. I got her thinking. I said, "What if this is all just one dream, a dream so real that we have feelings, and thoughts, and dreams, all the same, a dream within a dream? What if none of us are really here, and we are just projections of a higher self that we can't conceive, because we are the ones being manipulated?". And we joked around a lot, about it. My other sister who was nearby listening to all of this, just kind of rolled her eyes, and told me to fix her car, and do the dishes, so her mind was not in the conversation. Debby, and I had a blast, and I really can't wait to see if she ends up as a teacher, or a professor, or even a scientist someday. She has the most important ingredient inside of her, imagination.

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.” - Albert Einstein

“Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.” - Albert Einstein

So I tried finding a good copy of it, streaming on the internet, but couldn't. So I put it up on my Vimeo account. This is strictly for my small group of readers, I do not want this to get out of hand, which is why I've made the video private. It is password protected. The password is:

rivera

It's a really good episode, and I suggest watching it all the way through. There are several plot twists, even in the last minute, that I wouldn't want you to miss. Without further ado:

"Projections"

I recommend watching this full screen :)

Let's talk after this.
with love, luis.

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Many people seek to relive the excitement of the past, instead of renewing the mystery of the moment. They compare their life now to what it once was.

Hello, you are alive now! This is the most important, potentially exciting moment of your life.

Today, be open to the joy and excitement life wants you to experience. Now, right now, this moment.
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Kids: III

Before I start these posts, I kind of look down at my belly sometimes, and just wait for inspirations to come. I've been looking at my belly for a while now, and nothing I feel comfortable sharing, has come up. I could write another insightful post, however, it may come off as empty rhetoric. I've done a couple of those, and they don't feel right. If I am to share something as beautiful as my thoughts, I want them to mean something. Please excuse me if I skip a day at times. It's just I'm trying to be more conscious of what I am putting out there.

Sajan shared this gems with me last week, and now I want to share it with all of you, whoever you are:



thank you internet.
goodnight, and good luck :)

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A big cause of fear and dislike of others is the false notion of inadequacy when people don't accept us. Rejection hurts, so we separate, hide, attack.
But it doesn't hurt nearly as much as the belief that we are not enough!
There is no greater prison.

Today, when you experience rejection, work up the courage to feel the burn, but don't ball up and lose yourself. So much disharmony can be eliminated with this consciousness.

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Flood (the) Streets (with) Love

These past couple days have been interesting for me.

I feel something new creeping up on me, but I can't put my finger on it. A year and some change ago, I was at a seminar with Sajan, and I remember the guy there made us choose from a jar, at random, different situations, and challenges pertaining to a life path, and he said that no matter what, that they were usually almost always 100 percent accurate in the many years that he's been doing this. So I pick up my little piece of paper from this jar, and it said, (in a fairly large font too) "Fear of Never Really Knowing What You Want". And at the time, me and Florencia had just broken up, and so I thought it was somehow related to that, and I kind of shrugged it off, and tucked that little piece of paper away, just in case I would need it in the future.

Today, I was looking through my old stuff, and happen to see that paper again, and it made sense all of a sudden. Like I have all these different ideas, about all these different paths I could take. And before I commit to one, I let it run in my head, I envision how exactly my entire life would play out, if I followed one thing or the other. And it didn't hit me till right about now, just how true that little piece of paper is, and how close it resonates with me.

And maybe it is me, and I am young, so I still have the world in my hands, but that really is one of my greatest fears. To not know what I REALLY want. My desires, I feel, are complex, because I am not really trying to achieve or reach any one specific objective. Sure there are certainly somethings that I want to do, but I would consider those more like highlights, or signs that I am in the right direction.

Today my dad took me, and my friend from my old youth group, to go and watch, what I believe to be the best CHRISTIAN film, I have seen yet. I emphasized christian, because that's exactly what it is. A Christian film. The movie was called "To Save A Life". After watching this movie, only moments ago, it made me realize that this fear that I've been holding onto for so long, is just that. A fear.

I could go on living my life in fear, never knowing what I really want. Or I can live my life, never knowing what I really want, but living my life none-the-less. I said this before in an earlier post I did, but after the "Oklahoma Trip", I stopped believing in coincidences. Everything as I perceive it, happens for a reason. And the only person, its important to is me. It was never about the external, the "out there", "them". It's about me. What I did, when the time came. What I did to make the world a better or a worse place. I've been working to live a more conscious life. The thing with my thoughts is that, when I think of doing something, there is always that clash, and I am trying to find my personal balance. Of living in the moment, and of taking the grander perspective. Its been like this for a while now. I dream of the future, but stuck in the past, yet I don't do anything about it, right now.



I started of the post with saying how peculiar the past couple days have been for me, but ended up getting caught on another thought, and ran with that. The reason why these past couple days have been interesting for me, is because I've discovered some new family members that I didn't even realize knew to exist. Apparently my father's father (my grandfather), whom I've never met, recently got out of jail, and his step daughter, or something contacted me through Facebook to tell me the exciting news. So really she found me, but none-the-less, because for the first time, I've made a connection to family I didn't even know about. Thank You Internet. Of course, I am also now intrigued about my grandfather as well. I want to meet him. I asked my dad about him, but he doesn't know much about him, because he was absent in his life. So it makes me wonder what he would think of me.

*sigh

I've put an application in at Outback Steakhouse, and The Beach House to be a busser. I've followed through, and called The Beach House back, but same as always, I got the "We'll call you". Outback sounded a bit more promising, but not too much more. I was told that they have plenty of bussers, but that "You never know, anything could happen, and we will keep your application on record". My next shot, will be at Applebee's, and if that doesn't work out, I want to start looking for jobs at restaurants near Sarasota beaches. So I'll be on the lookout for that.

Goodnight, and good luck.

ZigZag Philosophy
(kudos to Liz)

In love, and light :)

- Luis

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You don't lack a single thing. Your 1% reality may not reflect that truth, but beyond that, in the real world, you have everything you will ever want.

That reality is not in some far away place, or behind the pearly gates.
It's here right now. Every time you remove a doubt, the veil is lifted and you can taste a little bit of that invisible eternal goodness spread out before you.

Today, make this teaching come to life. How? Don't believe your negative thoughts!


Luis: hmm. very peculiar.
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Making of AVATAR

Stars And Smiles

They have these every year. I'll participate someday, maybe in 2011 or 2012.



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The people we hate most are the people with whom our souls came back to make amends.

Today, approach an enemy with an olive branch. There is tremendous opportunity in building the most difficult bridges.

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Warped Temptress

Before I begin my post I want to share this song with you. It would of been more relevant in my life, say last month, but it's pretty groovy to listen to. It's MGMT of course. PS- I used to hate the song, before I read the lyrics.



"The Handshake" by MGMT

I just shook the handshake
I just sealed the deal
I'll try not to let them
Take everything they can steal
People always told me
Don't forget your roots
I know I can feel them underneath my leather boots

You toss all the mornings lost to the clouds and you watch it go
Your fairweather friends on a parachute binge get lost when the wind blows
The handshake's stuck on the tip of my tongue
It tastes like death but it looks like fun

I was a loner
I was just waiting by myself
When you, warped temptress
Rose to bring me happiness and wealth
Black tears, black smile, black credit cards and shoes
You can call all the people you want
But it's you who's being used

Under your black eyes, honey
Right beneath your nose
A curse on all creation
Every single thing you know
White smoke, white light, white marble on the floor
It would only take a few seconds of darkness to figure out what's in store
Little girl

You convince yourself that you want it, but you don't know
You keep trying to wash the blood from your hands, but it won't go
We're gonna keep you on the run

We got the handshake under our tongue
We got the handshake under our tongue
We got the handshake under our tongue
We got the handshake under our tongue
We got the handshake [x15]

Onward, As one who reads my blog may know, I was never really about the numbers at all, but I was looking over my stats, and today, I beat my previous record set earlier in the week for most unique viewers, I don't know whom to thank, but thanks you all for caring enough about me none-the-less. I appreciate it.



So I happened to stumble across an interesting little tidbit concerning the generation that I was born in. gen-we.com is a social movement and shift, to see past the not-so-successful regimes, practices, and ideologies of our past generations. I've inherited a pretty cruddy world, which is why I support these people. It's no secret that I want my children to live in a world better than the one that was left for me, and I want my lifestyle to reflect that.

You know, I share the opinion of Andrew Vanwyngarden (MGMT), that Lady Gaga was utter crap; But that upon closer investigation, she is getting more and more bizarre, and is spreading that into the mainstream. These are exciting times to be alive. People at large are opening their eyes, and accepting now more than they ever have in the past. Like the stages are denial, tolerance, and eventual widespread acceptance. Social issues, like same-sex marriage, marijuana, the environment, etc, are becoming too important, to be simply shrugged off.

I just realized that today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day, and if we go back, and think of all the issues that were relevant back then, it only took a single voice, to plea with his fellow lighter skinned brothers that there was most certainly an injustice going on. What he represented was hope. Hope that people of his own kind would be treated equally as their counterpart.

We haven't gone far, newer issues have come up. Some of them re-branded, issues of hatred and bigotry from the past; But I have faith in my generation. That I will witness the dawn of something new. Maybe I am the voice for this new generation, or maybe collectively we all are. This New Civil Rights Movement is no passing fad. My prediction is that history will repeat itself, and that even MORE people will die in the name of an idea.


"A man can be killed,drowned,hanged.....but the idea he bears can be immortal"- V

"Remember, Remember, the 5th of November. The Gunpowder treason, and plot. I know of no reason, The Gunpowder treason, should ever be forgot."- V.

Eventually, we will leave our home here, and venture to other worlds, on other stars, far far away. My hopes are that by then we will have progressed socially to welcome them to the only home most of us have known. Before then we will love one another, and we will see that these social barriers are an illusion. They are here to test us. So that we may overcome them, and yes eventually spread that love across the cosmos.

With love, Luis.

firstpersontetris.com

*Update: One more unique visitor has checked out the blog since I took the snapshot of the stats, so its off by a little bit :)

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Free will is the difference between man and beast. A lion in hot pursuit of an antelope will not suddenly stop in its tracks to consider the moral implications of slaughtering the poor creature. Dinner is dinner.

A human, however, has the power to pause.

Today, discipline yourself. Consider your actions before you act, and your words before you speak.

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Dear Myspace,

Dear MySpace,

Your days of being socially relevant are soon coming to an end. I've been a faithful member since the 20th of February of 2006, and have seen the spoiled child that you've become over the past couple years. And what better way to end my cyber citizenship there than on my 4 year anniversary. I will admit, I did enjoy the golden years of Myspace, before the corporate takeover. One of the features that I wish you could of kept to distinguish yourself, was the limitation of only 8 pictures. Although not very practical, I enjoyed the diversity in other people's pictures. People actually cared enough to give feedback, and then there was the grueling task of deciding which picture was fated to be replaced by a newer, more updated one. When I think back to the person I was back then, four years ago, I am proud to notice the very great distinction. I have MySpace to thank for, through Sajan, being able to meet Hayley Holmes, and later on go on the "Oklahoma Trip", a couple years later.



My reasons for ditching Myspace are many, and varied, namely a combination of way too many advertisements, and lack of honest use. It's like the only thing people do now is "Check their Myspace", with no real contribution to the social experience. Sure little things like status updates, and what-not brought a renewed spark and interest into the site, but even that fad faded.

With the exception of a few of my friends who haven't made the transition to Facebook, or Twitter, I probably won't miss many of my "friends" on MySpace. To be honest, now more than ever, there are plenty of social internet tools, and other ways to reach me, and get a hold of me.

For the next couple days until the 20th of February, I will be looking back through all my old comments, and reading my old messages, and get my last bit of nostalgia before leaving for good. What I've also done, was made available ALL of my pictures. When a season would pass, I would hide the album, and make it viewable only to thine self, but now its out there, for anyone who wants to see it.


A handy guide for the modern gentleman

Many apologies if this post seems more trivial than anything. I have a couple of those. It's just that I've had this fear of deleting my MySpace profile for a while, and I'm sure that when I finally follow through, it will be a huge burden off my shoulders, and my conscious. I can move on to more constructive, and enjoyable things to do with my time. Although I will admit, Facebook is the same poison, just in a classier shell, and environment. My hopes are that Facebook doesn't go the way of Myspace, and follow the same path, and eventual fate as MySpace. It's getting late, and I have some sleeping I need to get done.

Thank you MySpace for the good times, but your purpose has been carried out, and it's time to move on.

Much Love, Luis.

Gosh I remember these days. They didn't work out to well.

**Salame**

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The vast majority of marriages, relationships, and partnerships are based upon need, not love, which explains why they are so chaotic.

Today, give of yourself and share without any thought of what you are receiving. It's not about how the other person makes you feel; rather, it's about how you make the other person feel.

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Electropolis

So I spent a couple hours this morning with absolute zero sleep (nothing too abnormal these days) to go and volunteer for habitat for humanity. I am beat, I'm going to sleep, early I guess. Maybe this will be it. None-the-less, I want to share this gem I found today. Just don't be disappointed when this doesn't happen in real life :)

The Box, The Hole, and A Way Out...

Something quite peculiar, dare I say, very strange is happening. I just got done watching a movie that came out last fall. It is called "The Box". I remember stumbling upon their promotional site, youaretheexperiment.com, and I was intrigued. It was so vague. Then I remember watching the trailer, and being turned off, and unimpressed. Well I gave the movie a shot, and I must say, I was moved. It's a mystery, and a creepy one at that. I highly recommend it.

So yesterday I was working on the old music video that I did with Sajan, what I did was I shortened it down to the point where it is watchable, and enjoyable. I've been trying to upload it since yesterday to Youtube, but they have been failing me. If I can manage to get it on the internets, I'll tweet it. So I guess, keep an eye on my Twitter feed :|

I AM STILL NOT ON A NORMAL SLEEPING PATTERN.

Which I fear will dramatically affect my health if I don't do anything about it. I woke up today at 6pm, after I went to sleep at 12pm. I am spending a lot of time by myself, and I think I might not be using it as wise as I could be.

Sorry my last post was so lame. I am using a regular keyboard now, for the time being. Dvorak will have to be something I master gradually.



I began writing that yesterday, so to continue on that thought before I start another tangent, the Augustana music video "I Still Aint Over You", I cut it up, and finished it. And it's live on the internets.



So I think putting it on Youtube will give the video new life. It got 11k hits on Vimeo, but am much more hopeful toward the Youtube crowd.

Onward, it's probably my very disturbed sleeping pattern, but I am losing my sanity. It's little things. I've made the conscious effort to stabilize, and try to make sense of it all, but the day to day dealings of life are putting spins in my head. No I'm not high or anything, but that may help :|

I'm having a hard time believing that events are unfolding in my life, in the manner that they are. Or really my dreams. I know that dreams are messages from the unconscious trying to get at me, but as of late, I am ignoring them. They are getting very bizzare. I dare even say more bizzare than they were when they were in California. But after I got into the cycle of working my ass off everyday, and keeping myself busy, the dreams returned to their less bizzare state. I want a distraction, but can't follow through because I know that it will lead to eventual dissatisfaction. I'm lost. I'm lost inside of mine own self, and I don't know how to find my way. This isn't poetry, this is my life.

I haven't been fully honest. Mainly with myself, and what my expectations are. I made an outline, but even that is a distraction. It's like it's there to remind me of my lack of success: failure. I avoided using that word, because I don't feel that way, but it certainly has crossed my mind, more than once.

****

It's 3:02 and I don't feel the least bit tired. This isn't normal. This isn't healthy.

***

Tim and Eric have found permanent residency in my head, and I don't want to evict them just yet. This dry-spell I've been under is pretty bad. I've been waiting for their last season, and Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie to come and go so that I can evict them, but then I also hear that they have not one, but two shows coming to HBO, and another spin-off show with one of the characters from the show. I'd like to place blame on their content, and say that they are the reason, for my weird thought processes, but I know it's deeper than any of that. Like Tim and Eric are just the vessel for me realizing it, but I can't place my finger on it. It's something so deeply intertwined with my subconscious that it'll be difficult to face it all. Let alone make sense of any of it.

My thought process for the past couple years has been as follows. Just randoms streams of voices, ideas, and thoughts come to me. Many of them are irrelevant or unnecessary to my current situation. So I've kind of had this "filter" that I've been training, to sort out the good ideas, and the good feelings, from the one's that were irrelevant. Somewhere along the way, this filter has changed the way I react or pro-act towards a given situation.

When I'm high, that filter is totally off, and I quite frankly do, say, feel whatever I want. Nothing to hold me back, at all. That stream of random ideas, thoughts, and feeling, all kind of rush to me at once. Like I've noticed that if I listen to music, or watch certain television, or eat, the experience is just sooooo much richer, because I don't have a "filter" telling me how I'm supposed to be feeling something. So it's like everything that I do, is from the perspective of someone totally foreign to a certain experience, even though I may have done it several times in the past.

**** Deep breath ****

My computer bugged out, so I had to restart it. And with updates that took a solid hour. I spent the time listening to the Oracular Spectacular album by MGMT, and I just realized its sheer perfection. In many ways I like them way more than Coldplay and Muse. It's just, every single song on the album naturally progresses to the next, and especially at this part of my life, the songs are all just, so moving, and aaaggghh, perfect is really the only way I can describe it really. They have another album coming out Congratulations, that I am really looking forward to.

Onward, to occupy my head, so that I don't go insane, I've been keeping up with the Late Night television scandal currently underway at NBC. In short, Leno at 10 isn't working, they want to put him back at 11:30, and move The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien, back to 12:05. Conan is like, no way, I'm staying at 11:30 or else I quit. It's all over Hulu right now. Jimmy Kimmel dressed up as Leno, and did his whole show like that, to make a mockery of it all. So it'll be interesting to see how it all turns out.

I've also been watching a lot of Carl Sagan's stuff. I appreciate and share his deep insight into his cosmic perspective on life. Seeing past the trivials of a modern era isn't an easy thing to do. Educate, inspire, and encourage all the same, is an even harder task. Especially now-a-days, when your media comes from a few major portals. I think that's why I am in frickin love with the Internet. There is just a certain, beautiful feeling you get, when someone can share their idea, with no filters, with the entire world. The variety of media, and information, is just so vast, no other format could possibly compare. The internet is changing people's lives everywhere, and this makes me so happy. I wish Carl Sagan would of been around for him to witness the Internet take off in the way it did in the late 90s through today. It makes me wonder what he would have to say about all of this. Here is a man ahead of his time.

And Carl lives on, Goodnight.

Did he deserve it?

Love, Luis
~Salame~

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Life is based on paradoxes. When we seek happiness for ourselves we receive chaos instead. Yet when we strive to make others happy, we ourselves receive happiness. The more we share with others, the more we receive.

This is the secret of happiness. Now you know. Live it today. Give when you want to take. Show mercy when you want to judge.

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Dvorak

This is my very first post using the Dvorak keyboard layout. I was going to buy one, and I probably will once I have like $5 for one, but it's much cheaper to rip out all the keys, and rearrange them on my qwerty keyboard. I am using software that lets me toggle between the two. I can only imagine the sheer confusion this will have on the other people who come to my house and use my computer. I've already been tempted to cheat, and finish this post in qwerty, but I'm strong, and will resist.

After watching this it converted me. Watch at your own leisure:



This is the specific layout that I'm using



Irrebcidyw abe Irre ngjt!
Oops, I meant "Goodnight, and Good luck"

Luis

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We must take responsibility for our decisions, and avoid blaming others.

Advice is great, but not at the expense of our self-reliance.

Be open to listening to everyone today. But, make up your own mind.

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A Private Life

I can't escape anymore. I'll be facing what I've been avoiding most. Myself.

Goodnight, and Goodluck.

With Love, Luis.



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Dirty dishes get dirtier and harder to clean when you leave them over night.

Today, meet a problem half way.

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World, The Dream

I awoke about a few minutes ago, swearing that I had just updated my blog. When in fact I was quite frankly narrating my dream. This has intrigued me so much that I am going back to sleep to use this technique, and basically see if I can control my dream, and go to very specific places, and do very specific things. To be honest this feels like a dream right now, so if no one ever reads this, I'll know why. It's a real shame no one, but my own self could of read what I wrote in my dream a few moments ago, I was really into it, and very very clear, it would of probably my most well thought out post. Farewell, I'm drifting. Away. And the lines between what's happening are getting really wuzzy.

Goodnight. I'm going back to sleep myself.

Sweet Dreams.

-Luis

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Some people wear their spirituality like a fur coat - it only warms them.

Today, bring a little love into someone else's life. That's the secret of spirituality.

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Plug In Baby

My mind has been all over the place today. I spent a good portion of my day with Nick Montes, at his house. I just so happened to have a recorder on me, and was able to record him playing the intro to "Plug In Baby" by Muse. Enjoy:



Here is the .mp3, if you want it.

And here is the .flac, if you are an audiophile like me :)

In either case, you'll have to write your own tags for these songs, so that they don't end up as "Unknown Artist, Album, etc" when you play them on your digital music player.

So I am at a point in my life now, where I am starting to stress again. My mother has laid down the gauntlet, and the ultimatum. By the end of the month, I have to come up with 1/2 of the rent if I wish to stay living with her and my sisters. This doesn't bother me, because I have some options, and some paths I can take. One path, I can get a job at the Beach House, I'd have a car, and I'd live with my mom. Another path, this one is quite interesting and intriguing the same, because my friend Tiffany called me like in the middle of the night at 3 to tell me this, I could work at Disney, as a character. Her, and my other friend Liz, are considering this option. I'd still have a car, and I'd be living in Orlando most likely. Another idea that I was thinking, and this one is quite out there, I could be a vagabond (traveling about with no fixed destination) via CouchSurfing.org for maybe a month or so, until I have my act together, and really know where I want to go from there. I'd have no car, and I'd be living from place to place. I would probably want to stay in the local Sarasota/Bradenton area, but you never know, I could adopt this lifestyle, and venture out to South America like I wanted to. Of course, I'd want to bring Sajan along with me. But that's just an idea, and I'm skipping too many steps. This month more than ever, I need guidance. I need cosmic reassurance that wherever I go, and whatever I do, I do it out of love, and I do it because its liberating.

When I think of the world, and how it relates to the human experience, something tells me that we weren't meant to be in locked in. Like there is an entire planet that I am making it a life goal to venture all through out. I see the American economy, and other like it around the world, and I see the effects that its having on everyday people, like yourself and I, and something about it all just doesn't seem natural. I want to die, knowing that I left some really good footprints all over the world, and that there will be footprints left for future generations. I need to know that I helped out in some big way, small-ly. *hope that makes sense.

Goodnight.

Plug In Baby

Hebbo.

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If you make a mistake the first time, do not be concerned about it. Be concerned about it if you repeat it a second time.

If you do something right the first time, do not pride yourself about it.

Be proud of yourself if you repeat it a second time.

Today, focus on one good habit you wish to repeat and one bad habit you wish to rip up.

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Kids: II

I have mixed feeling about today. The Flip Video camera will be coming soon. Today I just discovered two new Muse songs. Well they aren't really new, but they are really hard to come by. So hard to come by they don't even have official names :O

My friend, Ethan Skeim, whom I haven't seen in a good 7 months will be coming back to Bradenton tomorrow, from boot-camp. I am excited to see him, and to see how much he's changed. I'm not sure if he knows if I came back from California yet, so it should be interesting to see his reaction none-the-less.

Sorry for the lack of personal updates. My body has been in zombie-mode, for these past couple days, but I think I'm breaking through, and making progress concerning my sleeping patterns. With that said, I have now made it a goal to try, and update my blog before midnight (EST), if ever possible.

I am disappointed. Today, I was with Mackenzie's youth group, for a birthday party. And it came for everyone to introduce themselves, and say what your favorite song was, or what the soundtrack to your life would be, and everyone is naming off popular bands (with keen adoration to Owl City), and it comes to my turn, I say my name (Luis), and I name off "Kids" by MGMT, and I was utterly flabbergasted by the fact that no one, other than Michael Lamb, even heard of the band. Like I kind of felt bad for them all. I really did.

Earlier in the day, I was also thinking about my time in California. And to be honest, most of it is a blur. Like I would wake up, go to work, internets, then sleep. The only time I would deviate from that routine was maybe when there was alcohol or weed involved, or a party at the house. I also remember bitching about my landlady Carmen, and hearing my roommates bitch all the same. I kind of wish I was still there with them, they were my very strong motivation for me to work out over there. I'm not giving up on my puny arms and legs though, I'll be getting into a regular exercising schedule, like the one I was in over there. I also remember, attempting to play the piano, I only learned a handful of one-handed songs in my spare time.

The thing with me, is that I'll see something new, it will be fun for a while, but if I don't get the results that I want right away, I'll get turned off, and discouraged. I know that if I do something, and that I really put the effort to try, I can develop that skill better. I seem to like lots of different little things, but not really excelling at any one in particular. With the exception of course, being Filmography, and post-production, love it, and I WANT to get MUCH better at it. Like I know that with the right mindset, and lots of focus, I can attract that into my life. I guess the universe is waiting on me to act...

Which is why tomorrow, I will be recording my voice, and re-dubbing the song "Kids" by MGMT, for the next music video that I want to do. That's right, me, singing. No worries, I have software on my computer that'll make my voice sound all goodah, but I shouldn't need it of course ;) . I heard a version of it, that was done with just a guitar and vocals, so that was my inspiration to re-dub the song.

**Off Topic**

Yesterday I also came to the news that TNA (Total Nonstop Action) is making a comeback. For those of you who don't know, I remember back a couple years ago, when both of the wrestling shows were competing on the Monday night slot. It was RAW (WWE)vs TNA. Lots of drama. Like I remember some of the superstars from the shows would invade the other show, and it was all out war pretty much. To see them coming back again, especially after so many years, is very exciting. Last Monday they had a three hour special, with a lot of high profile wrestlers, Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, Jeff Hardy, Bobby Lashley, Kurt Angle, Mankind, Kevin Nash, X-Pac, Razor Ramon, and Eric Bischoff (oh dear) in charge of it all. Lord knows last time I seen WWE, it was just getting so bland (1 year ago, I'm guessing). Of course it's all scripted and what not, that doesn't bother me, what bothered me is the lack of strong heart-felt compelling story-play. If you're going to have full grown men dancing with each other in a square, might as well make it interesting and truly entertaining right? I really hope TNA (on the Spike Network) really takes off again, and that they return to all the drama from the Generation-X (Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock, etc.) wrestling days (Which is what I grew up on).

******

Good night, good luck. Happy walking.

Everything Is Terrible

Praise Tarvu :)

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You are the point of impact for thousands, potentially millions of people.

Today, send out ripples of compassion, tolerance and happiness.

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Of Mince, and Mice

I want to get on a regular sleeping schedule again. I won't be staying up to write tonight. I do want to leave you with this gem. It's a music video about karmic debt, and doing the right thing. It is actually really fun to watch. Really fun.



In love, Luis.

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Dream big and you will be big

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Soldier's Poem

One day I'll sing a song as passionate as this one:


Soldier's Poem by Muse

"Throw it all away
Let's lose ourselves
'Cause there's no one left for us to blame
It's a shame we're all dying
And do you think you deserve your freedom

How could you send us so far away from home
When you know damn well that this is wrong
I would still lay down my life for you
And do you think you deserve your freedom

No I don't think you do
There's no justice in the world
There's no justice in the world
And there never was"

Ashton Kutcher tweeted this picture yesterday:


It got me thinking, like, why does man still fight with one another? Why is there still conflict in the world? Sometime I feel, like the burden of saving the world from darkness and chaos, is solely on my shoulders. Luckily, or maybe even fatefully, this burden is shared with the rest of the world. Its going to take a lot of effort from each individual to love (the earth) again.

I've never been passionate about, the theory that is Global Warming, because the facts presented are out of context, most of the time, and there are serious scientist who say that we don't have enough information to tell that man is the sole reason for the rise in global temperatures. I like to buy into the story that the Earth has natural warming and cooling cycles, and that we could very well be approaching one again.

But I'm no scientist (yet). So my opinion is null. What REALLY angers me, is the solution being provided (by the International community of course). An international Carbon Tax, a fucking CARBON TAX! How self righteous must you be, to think that you deserve to make a profit off of the destruction of Mother Earth? That is just wrong. So, some money passes hands, HOW IS THAT HELPING MOTHER EARTH?

If you really want to solve this problem, how about planting a seed? Lets come up with an international law saying, that every time man makes this amount of pollution, these many seeds have to be planted, cared and nurtured for, and never be allowed to be cut down. We are killing our own planet, and no one seems to give a shit.




If you've seen the movie AVATAR, then you'll see the love that the fictional Na'vi people have for their moon/planet/mother. Watching that movie made me realize that we've disconnected. Big time. No one seems to respect nature. I have no one, or nothing to blame, as I believe in my heart that one day man will mature, and see that we are not in harmony with the ebb and flow of life. That the highest paying jobs, Accounting, and other jobs in the financial district, are no longer necessary in a world where all needs are met, with little to no waste. Where people are in tune with nature, and can care and love for one another. Where technology is used to benefit both man and nature.

A film that makes this point very clear is one that Sajan Melcher introduced to me a long while back. Zeitgeist: Addendum. I would skip to the 79:30 mark to see the point that I'm trying to make, but otherwise it is a very informational/inspirational film, and points to a future for mankind that is beautiful, and uplifting. Also I recommend it's prequel Zeitgeist, watch that if you are unfamiliar with topics such as, how corporations are often times more powerful than nations (including America) and how they are manipulating you to act and feel like zombies.

I honestly didn't think I was going to rant, because I honestly don't feel like ranting, but that was just what felt right at the moment. Full Sail never called today, so I guess, I am going to have to make the effort to call them. Other than that today was fairly pleasant. Michael Lamb took me to the Beach House, so I can get a job as a busser there. And I spoke with my mom, and I can buy her car off of my dad. So I'll have some wheels pretty soon. Things are looking good these days.

Whip it, and dip it.

"A Glorious Dawn"- Carl Sagan

Much Love, Luis.

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Love is confession.

Today, come out with your truth.

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Vivified, Villian, and Vixen!

So I've been drinking this Arizona Rx Energy Herbal Tonic for like a while now, and boy this stuff really keeps me up. I've drunk like three today. I just finished a list of what the ultimate girl would be for me. Here it is, on two pages:


Click to open in new window/tab


Click to open in new window/tab

Full Resolution, here, and here.
Because, you know you want that high definition

Like I was going to make a Photoshop mixup from a bunch of pictures combined, but it didn't come out to good. So I'll just put pictures up of the ideal girl for me.


"she has to be a little nuts."


"the perfect girl for me has EXTRA LARGE dark beady eyes."


"Long, wavy, dark hair."


"She's her own thing, and not afraid to show it."


black+english+afro+gap in front teeth=success

"Looks come second to me, they are a bonus. A girl with a good heart is all I'm really looking for."

Onward, I put an inquiry in over at Full Sail and I should be getting a call from them tomorrow sometime. I hear that they have a pretty neat film program, and I want to know just how viable the option of going to school will be for me. I'm sure that I could learn anything I wanted to on my own, but the connections there are priceless. I do want to have some kind of place and standing in the world of film. And going to school there would definitely be a step in the right direction.

Earlier in the day I discovered a pretty cool site. Grooveshark is a music streaming service. You can pretty much play whatever you want. No downloads. Easy.

I've also been jamming to this song since yesterday:


"True Affection" by The Blow
Her voice combined with that beat, is just soooo hypnotic.


Onward, these UK peeps really know how to make a social statement:


http://www.ctrlaltshift.co.uk/

Something to think about...

She's Got Me Dancing

Much Love, Luis

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There was once a man who complained of having no shoes until he met a man with no feet.

Count your blessings today.
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A Spark, A Guide, A Home

So today I decided to take out a sheet of paper, and really just put it out there. I put down my goals, and how to get there. It was so much it had to go on two papers that I stapled, then unstapled so I can scan them. Here is what I came up with:


Like all my images and links, click to open in new window/tab

If that one isn't large enough for your fancy I also have one at full resolution, here.
NOTE: The file is very large, download at your own leisure.

So everyday I want to work on at least one of these. I also have a couple side missions that I didn't mention, like updating this blog, and get exercise on a daily basis. I don't want to say that I've been having health problems, because I haven't, but I do want to care for my body more, and not be prone to sickness. I've been slacking a lot, and I'm sure my body could use some conditioning anyways.

I'm not putting any energy into the romance front this month, I need to be realistic, and cover my more immediate concerns. This month I want to work on getting a job, and some wheels, and start considering the possibility of going back to school to study film. The reason that wasn't a priority in December was because I really wanted to spend some time off, and de-stress a bit, and just hang with my friends. I welcome responsibility into my life, and want to start working on the foundation for the rest of my life. (Sounds like the ITT Tech commercial, hee hee)

Here is a video I fancied earlier. Watch at your own leisure:


I've also re-joined Facebook again. So I'd like to thank all of my new readers from their too. I think that I can use social networking to my advantage, to attract others, and one day inspire them.

Em, video blog coming soon. I'm waiting for the perfect chance to snag me a Flip Video Camera.

Word to ya mutha!

Where's My Chippy?

Love, Luis.

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Your gifts are yours so that you can share them with others. That's why the highest fulfillment you can find is achieving for others.

Today, shine your Light on people in darkness.

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Creativity, With

Sorry for the lack of updates this New Year. I've been recovering from a couple different things. My body is in tons of pain right now, and I am really just glad to be home, and see my mother and my sisters again.

I've been reading this book, since yesterday, and it has inspired me to do something creative with my life. I won't say what it is, but I am seriously looking into it, and will update when I've already started work on it.

This is a new year so I guess its culturally obligatory that I make a list of some things I'll be working on this new year:

-I find myself quite the downer sometimes, so I want to work on my confidence. Confidence is especially troubling for me, so it's where I want to put a lot of focus to this year.

-I want to work on some habits of mine, before they become full blown addictions. Example: I'll sit in front of my computer and watch every episode of "Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!" in sequence, and totally waste a perfect day. And in the case of Tim and Eric, I am pretty sure it's full blown addiction. I lurve all their stuff.

-I am not always clear. I am pretty vague at times. I want to better express what I am feeling this new year. I want to uplift, more than tear down. And I guess that begins with myself.

-As an Aquarius, I have a very peculiar tendency to be very very unique. Almost to the point of self destruction. This year I am going to work on bringing some stability to my life. I will use my creative power to do well in this world, and those around me.

-Patience. I often skip steps to get what I want now. Forgetting that there is a process that I must undergo. This year I will take necessary path.

-Camera. I really really really want a Canon EOS 7D. That will put me in the ranks of semi-professional videographer. And pretty much an overnight sensation over at Vimeo. I will do whatever it takes to get one. Mark my word.

If I could travel in time, sometime
I'd travel to the end, of all of mankind.
And there I'd find a brother of mine.

We'd travel through space,
on his crystal ship.

We'd pass through the stars.

Land over the moooooon.
-"Time Travel" by Casey and his Brother

I have to look things up.

Much Love.

When I Grow Up

Always.

ps- I'm going to try and have something new in the footer everyday, from now on.

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Want to feel really good today?

Tell someone you care about something you've always wanted to say, but didn't know how. You know what I am talking about, something risky.

Push yourself over the emotional edge today. Don't calculate the risk. Let go of your desired outcome and open your heart. That's how you destroy the illusion separating you from God.

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