Flood (the) Streets (with) Love

These past couple days have been interesting for me.

I feel something new creeping up on me, but I can't put my finger on it. A year and some change ago, I was at a seminar with Sajan, and I remember the guy there made us choose from a jar, at random, different situations, and challenges pertaining to a life path, and he said that no matter what, that they were usually almost always 100 percent accurate in the many years that he's been doing this. So I pick up my little piece of paper from this jar, and it said, (in a fairly large font too) "Fear of Never Really Knowing What You Want". And at the time, me and Florencia had just broken up, and so I thought it was somehow related to that, and I kind of shrugged it off, and tucked that little piece of paper away, just in case I would need it in the future.

Today, I was looking through my old stuff, and happen to see that paper again, and it made sense all of a sudden. Like I have all these different ideas, about all these different paths I could take. And before I commit to one, I let it run in my head, I envision how exactly my entire life would play out, if I followed one thing or the other. And it didn't hit me till right about now, just how true that little piece of paper is, and how close it resonates with me.

And maybe it is me, and I am young, so I still have the world in my hands, but that really is one of my greatest fears. To not know what I REALLY want. My desires, I feel, are complex, because I am not really trying to achieve or reach any one specific objective. Sure there are certainly somethings that I want to do, but I would consider those more like highlights, or signs that I am in the right direction.

Today my dad took me, and my friend from my old youth group, to go and watch, what I believe to be the best CHRISTIAN film, I have seen yet. I emphasized christian, because that's exactly what it is. A Christian film. The movie was called "To Save A Life". After watching this movie, only moments ago, it made me realize that this fear that I've been holding onto for so long, is just that. A fear.

I could go on living my life in fear, never knowing what I really want. Or I can live my life, never knowing what I really want, but living my life none-the-less. I said this before in an earlier post I did, but after the "Oklahoma Trip", I stopped believing in coincidences. Everything as I perceive it, happens for a reason. And the only person, its important to is me. It was never about the external, the "out there", "them". It's about me. What I did, when the time came. What I did to make the world a better or a worse place. I've been working to live a more conscious life. The thing with my thoughts is that, when I think of doing something, there is always that clash, and I am trying to find my personal balance. Of living in the moment, and of taking the grander perspective. Its been like this for a while now. I dream of the future, but stuck in the past, yet I don't do anything about it, right now.



I started of the post with saying how peculiar the past couple days have been for me, but ended up getting caught on another thought, and ran with that. The reason why these past couple days have been interesting for me, is because I've discovered some new family members that I didn't even realize knew to exist. Apparently my father's father (my grandfather), whom I've never met, recently got out of jail, and his step daughter, or something contacted me through Facebook to tell me the exciting news. So really she found me, but none-the-less, because for the first time, I've made a connection to family I didn't even know about. Thank You Internet. Of course, I am also now intrigued about my grandfather as well. I want to meet him. I asked my dad about him, but he doesn't know much about him, because he was absent in his life. So it makes me wonder what he would think of me.

*sigh

I've put an application in at Outback Steakhouse, and The Beach House to be a busser. I've followed through, and called The Beach House back, but same as always, I got the "We'll call you". Outback sounded a bit more promising, but not too much more. I was told that they have plenty of bussers, but that "You never know, anything could happen, and we will keep your application on record". My next shot, will be at Applebee's, and if that doesn't work out, I want to start looking for jobs at restaurants near Sarasota beaches. So I'll be on the lookout for that.

Goodnight, and good luck.

ZigZag Philosophy
(kudos to Liz)

In love, and light :)

- Luis

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You don't lack a single thing. Your 1% reality may not reflect that truth, but beyond that, in the real world, you have everything you will ever want.

That reality is not in some far away place, or behind the pearly gates.
It's here right now. Every time you remove a doubt, the veil is lifted and you can taste a little bit of that invisible eternal goodness spread out before you.

Today, make this teaching come to life. How? Don't believe your negative thoughts!


Luis: hmm. very peculiar.
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