Technically this will be my last post of 2009. As I enter this new decade, I can only wonder what the next couple years will be like for me. Will I go back to school? Will I go to South America? Will I fall in love? Where will I live? What am I ever going to do?
I find it peculiar that I am updating my blog tonight, not from the comfort of my own abode, but in the company of my good friend Michael Lamb. I owe him more than anyone of my friends. I decided to stay the night here, at his house to save him money on gas.
On our way here, he noticed something very peculiar in the sky. There was, what looked like a ring or halo around the moon. I immediately began texting and calling pretty much as many people as I could on my phone. My friend Julio told me that he looked it up, and it's pretty much just an optical illusion. But for the 10-15 people I called, and was able to share that moment with, thank you. I found an article confirming what Julio has told me, so it's legit. It's something called a Moon Halo.
http://indianapublicmedia.org/amomentofscience/a-ring-around-the-moon/
I want to reminisce on everything that's happened this past year, but I feel to do so, would take away from what I have to look forward to this upcoming year. With a new year, and a new decade, come opportunities. Some fated, some peculiar, and some chance. I look forward to what I will be offering others, and remain hopeful for this new year.
Tonight, I OWNED Bradenton, Fl.
Myself, and some friends ate out at Nam Fong tonight. Normally this isn't a big deal, but if you live here, you would know that Nam Fong is pretty much the best food on the planet, hands down, and that it gets very very busy. Tonight, we had the restaurant to ourselves. It was just the six of us. I found it very nice of them to do that for us, and want to give them some cyber-space love.
(Not that they need it, of course)
Like the movie AVATAR, eating at Nam Fong is a life changing experience. If you haven't already, give me a call, and I will personally take you there, on me. Everything on the menu is made from scratch, and the prices are very fair. In fact, I am pretty sure they haven't changed their prices since they've opened, many years ago. Like the only thing I'd cry fowl about is that they only accept cash. No plastic, or checks. Being small and local, I can understand why. The food is to die for. You forget that you are eating a meal at a restaurant, it feels like home. Highly, highly recommend. Especially if you live in the Manatee County area.
Onto other things. Exciting news. Very exciting news concerning this blog. I want to start updating my blogs with simple videos. If I'm not in the mood to write, or I just want to say something more personally, this is a great way to do that. In the past, I tried doing video on my other blog (that I don't update anymore), from my webcam, but found the quality to be too cumbersome to work with. So I'll be getting a Flip Video Camera pretty soon. I can't say when though, because I am waiting for something to happen, but when that front clears I'll let you guys all know. Of course this is most definitely not a professional camera of any sort, but for these purposes, it will suffice.
Michael's been killing zombies for the past couple hours, so I hope he sleeps well, but I'll try and get my three Z's in. It's so crazy that even after a month that I've been away from California, that my body clock is still messed up. I think I'm going to take my buddy Nick's advice, and force my body to sleep every four hours, till I can get my sleep groove back on.
Tunak Tunak Tun!!!
Much love, Luis.
See you next year
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It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
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Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Keep It Going Louder
Yesterday I began an obsession that I share with Michael Lamb. I showed him this music video, and it's pretty much the shiz.
PS- I had a good day. Woke up to Michael Lamb squatting over my face. Always nice. I took Mackenzie out to see AVATAR. Third time for me. Then we made rice crispies.
YATTA!!!
good night.
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It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
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PS- I had a good day. Woke up to Michael Lamb squatting over my face. Always nice. I took Mackenzie out to see AVATAR. Third time for me. Then we made rice crispies.
YATTA!!!
good night.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
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Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Kids: I
So I was at the "We The Kings" concert that was in Palmetto, and before I even bought a ticket I was tempted. There was one of those bands that were trying their best to make it, and I bought their CD. I didn't mind, because I know what its like to hustle the way he was doing. The bands name was inPassing, so check them out.
My writing is becoming more of a chore to me, than something that I enjoy doing. I love writing. It's just I've been having a hard time sorting out my thoughts. So please excuse, if at times my writing comes to an abrupt end, or if it isn't good. And that includes this post.
A while back, my friend Nick sent me a suggestion, and I think I will finally undertake it. Here is what he wrote:
Click to enlarge
much love, salame!
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It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My writing is becoming more of a chore to me, than something that I enjoy doing. I love writing. It's just I've been having a hard time sorting out my thoughts. So please excuse, if at times my writing comes to an abrupt end, or if it isn't good. And that includes this post.
A while back, my friend Nick sent me a suggestion, and I think I will finally undertake it. Here is what he wrote:
Click to enlarge
much love, salame!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, December 28, 2009
Past Love
So I was originally going to write a post on love, or romance, but remembered that I am seriously lacking in those areas. So I took a break, and began to read two very important blogs that I am recommending. The first one is from my good friend, Mackenzie Eileen. And the other one is from my best friend Sajan Melcher.
Mackenzie's writing is very personal. More personal than my writing. Mackenzie doesn't know this, but I look to her for inspiration. At heart she's a passionate humanitarian, and I like this about her. She spent some time in Guatemala for an internship at an orphanage, and plans on going back after she finishes high school for a year, so I am extremely looking forward to hearing of this later on.
Sajan is my best friend. He's been writing an "Untitled Love Project", and it's at about 8 parts right now. I was with him through most of it, so to read a lot of that stuff brings back a lot of memories.
Which brings me to Janine Palmer. Now, as much as I can remember Janine Palmer was the first girl that Sajan was ever serious about. I could vividly remember him talking to me about her, as some glorified angel that fell from the sky. But I guess, when you are young like that, that's what happens. Around that time (maybe before), I was spending my sophomore year away from Bradenton, in Lakewood Ranch, and went to school at Braden River. I really didn't like the school all that much, and looked forward to coming home. At the time I was seeing my neighbor. Ashley Watson. It began with her. I would flip flop with her. She never really knew when I was serious, or when I was kidding around. I sneaked out of the house a couple of times, and came in to her house when parents were gone. The first time I did, we watched not one, but two movies, and then passionately made out. It was very exhilarating, at least for me. Then there was a really awkward time, when we didn't speak for like weeks. And then all of a sudden there I was again. I guess I didn't talk with her, because I was afraid. I don't know what to do. So we see each other again, and again sneaking out of the house again. This time through like our neighbors houses, and like to some grassy place, where we could see could see stars and stuff. We talk for a while, make out, I then made like one of the hugest mistakes in modern dating, even though I didn't mean it, I told her, I loved her. I told her I loved her, and then I asked her out to be my girlfriend. Bad mistake. She said no of course, and that kind of devasted me for a while. But in retrospect, I was 14, she was 13, I couldn't of expected anything serious. So back to Janine Palmer, I couldn't remember if it was before or after Sajan broke up with her, that I told myself, that I wanted my next girl to be like Janine Palmer. I wanted to be able to say all these different things about her, and really feel like I was in love. It wasn't till the following school year that I was going back to Southeast, and met Daniella Hernandez.
At Braden River there was a quick thing (mostly drama) with Sunny Chang, but I messed that up bad.
It had been about 5 or 6 months since the events of Ashley Watson, and I, so I had plenty of things to think about for how I would handle my next relationship.
I fell, and I fell hard in love. And I look back now, and think that most of it was in my head, but it was a lot of the smaller things. Like how I sat behind her in web design class, and literally waited at times, for an excuse to say any silly thing to her.
I had the convenience of the internet access at the time, and we talked a lot on myspace, when that was the hip thing to do. And we chatted on AIM, I think it was. I was shy with her at school, like I didn't feel like I could open up to her in person as easily as I could online. When I see her I can't think.
One day, I get a message on myspace, like "my parents don't want me to have a boyfriend, i'm not ready for a relationship, sorry if i hurt you", and I tell her that I'm fine and that it's ok (even though inside I was already breaking apart), I lied to her because, I loved her too much, and that's what she wanted to hear. That everything would be alright, that we could still be friends.
I don't know. I kind of stopped talking to her after that. And I bottled up those feelings, never telling anyone. Not her, not even Sajan. I had to change my life, so that she would take me back, or something. I dropped Christianity, and started from a clean slate. Accepting whatever felt right in my heart, and going with the flow of things.
Sajan was speaking with Hayley at the time, and I compared my relationship to his. I wanted to share that deep soulful connection that Hayley and Sajan had, with Daniella, but it never really got that far. Or even something like Sajan had with Janine Palmer. That is my mistake.
Months go by, I move back to Bradenton. I'm spending more and more time with Devin, Sajan, and Michael. Thus, The Group is born. My life had purpose again. I was beginning to hang out with more and more people. And I figured that would take my mind off Daniella, even if it was for a little while.
But it was hard. It wasn't that I didn't want to speak with her again. It was more that, I really wanted for us to work out, and because they couldn't, those "cute moments" in class, soon became awkward. Advances were made, with no signal given. I sat behind her in web design class, and I couldn't concentrate on my work. I eventually gave up the class, and failed it.
A couple months go by, and the life changing episode in Sajan's life goes by. Hayley is hurt, and really just needs a friend. We kind of had a thing, but it was more to make Sajan jealous/mad. That dissolves.
More weeks go by, I'm invited to a birthday party. It was Florencia. She reminded me so much of Daniella, that she sparked my eye. Short, tan skin, dark hair, all that. It's the summertime, me and her hook up for a while. Me and her don't work out. I seen her mostly as an object, and always was trying to make out with her, and do stuff. We break up a week into the new school year.
I am a Senior now, and very single. I think it's around this time (maybe before),I meet a girl named Liz, very strong feelings. Especially at first. But I don't pursue her, because I only seen her once in a while.
Sajan and I go to a Kabbalah Seminar in Sarasota. I found a lot of spiritual answers that I wanted, and that helped cope with not being able to be with Daniella, but even that wasn't enough. With more answers comes more questions, and I was not ready for the truth. Even if it meant freedom.
It's getting close to a year now since I stopped talking with Daniella, and I decided to call her right before Yom Kippur, and told her how I felt. I don't remember what I said, because I can't think when I talk to her, but I do remember telling her that I loved her. This was the second time I told a girl that, the difference this time being that I meant it. I really love her.
The effect was null. I never make the effort to go back with her, because I never got the signal. I put the bait out there, but not even a nibble. If she would have bit back, it would of meant she wanted me, or that she was ready for me.
The rest of the school year was mostly a blur. I had a quick fling with Sandra Doyle, because she is hurt, and I really really wanted to help her.
It graduation day, and the only thing I remember is watching her and her sister leave after getting their diploma, thinking, there goes the only girl I ever loved.
I want to stop my story here, because the next part of my love story is too recent to write it in retrospect. There are still things I have to do. Relationships I need to build. And friends I need to help.
That's my love life pretty much. I can't say it's as exciting as Sajans, but that's ok.
I started writing this at 4:30 a.m., and it's 7:10 a.m. I am going to get some much needed shut eye.
As for the Disney trip, it went all right. Me and Mackenzie picture messaged each other, and competed for like the best pictures, and stuff. Good game.
~Salame
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It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mackenzie's writing is very personal. More personal than my writing. Mackenzie doesn't know this, but I look to her for inspiration. At heart she's a passionate humanitarian, and I like this about her. She spent some time in Guatemala for an internship at an orphanage, and plans on going back after she finishes high school for a year, so I am extremely looking forward to hearing of this later on.
Sajan is my best friend. He's been writing an "Untitled Love Project", and it's at about 8 parts right now. I was with him through most of it, so to read a lot of that stuff brings back a lot of memories.
Which brings me to Janine Palmer. Now, as much as I can remember Janine Palmer was the first girl that Sajan was ever serious about. I could vividly remember him talking to me about her, as some glorified angel that fell from the sky. But I guess, when you are young like that, that's what happens. Around that time (maybe before), I was spending my sophomore year away from Bradenton, in Lakewood Ranch, and went to school at Braden River. I really didn't like the school all that much, and looked forward to coming home. At the time I was seeing my neighbor. Ashley Watson. It began with her. I would flip flop with her. She never really knew when I was serious, or when I was kidding around. I sneaked out of the house a couple of times, and came in to her house when parents were gone. The first time I did, we watched not one, but two movies, and then passionately made out. It was very exhilarating, at least for me. Then there was a really awkward time, when we didn't speak for like weeks. And then all of a sudden there I was again. I guess I didn't talk with her, because I was afraid. I don't know what to do. So we see each other again, and again sneaking out of the house again. This time through like our neighbors houses, and like to some grassy place, where we could see could see stars and stuff. We talk for a while, make out, I then made like one of the hugest mistakes in modern dating, even though I didn't mean it, I told her, I loved her. I told her I loved her, and then I asked her out to be my girlfriend. Bad mistake. She said no of course, and that kind of devasted me for a while. But in retrospect, I was 14, she was 13, I couldn't of expected anything serious. So back to Janine Palmer, I couldn't remember if it was before or after Sajan broke up with her, that I told myself, that I wanted my next girl to be like Janine Palmer. I wanted to be able to say all these different things about her, and really feel like I was in love. It wasn't till the following school year that I was going back to Southeast, and met Daniella Hernandez.
At Braden River there was a quick thing (mostly drama) with Sunny Chang, but I messed that up bad.
It had been about 5 or 6 months since the events of Ashley Watson, and I, so I had plenty of things to think about for how I would handle my next relationship.
I fell, and I fell hard in love. And I look back now, and think that most of it was in my head, but it was a lot of the smaller things. Like how I sat behind her in web design class, and literally waited at times, for an excuse to say any silly thing to her.
I had the convenience of the internet access at the time, and we talked a lot on myspace, when that was the hip thing to do. And we chatted on AIM, I think it was. I was shy with her at school, like I didn't feel like I could open up to her in person as easily as I could online. When I see her I can't think.
One day, I get a message on myspace, like "my parents don't want me to have a boyfriend, i'm not ready for a relationship, sorry if i hurt you", and I tell her that I'm fine and that it's ok (even though inside I was already breaking apart), I lied to her because, I loved her too much, and that's what she wanted to hear. That everything would be alright, that we could still be friends.
I don't know. I kind of stopped talking to her after that. And I bottled up those feelings, never telling anyone. Not her, not even Sajan. I had to change my life, so that she would take me back, or something. I dropped Christianity, and started from a clean slate. Accepting whatever felt right in my heart, and going with the flow of things.
Sajan was speaking with Hayley at the time, and I compared my relationship to his. I wanted to share that deep soulful connection that Hayley and Sajan had, with Daniella, but it never really got that far. Or even something like Sajan had with Janine Palmer. That is my mistake.
Months go by, I move back to Bradenton. I'm spending more and more time with Devin, Sajan, and Michael. Thus, The Group is born. My life had purpose again. I was beginning to hang out with more and more people. And I figured that would take my mind off Daniella, even if it was for a little while.
But it was hard. It wasn't that I didn't want to speak with her again. It was more that, I really wanted for us to work out, and because they couldn't, those "cute moments" in class, soon became awkward. Advances were made, with no signal given. I sat behind her in web design class, and I couldn't concentrate on my work. I eventually gave up the class, and failed it.
A couple months go by, and the life changing episode in Sajan's life goes by. Hayley is hurt, and really just needs a friend. We kind of had a thing, but it was more to make Sajan jealous/mad. That dissolves.
More weeks go by, I'm invited to a birthday party. It was Florencia. She reminded me so much of Daniella, that she sparked my eye. Short, tan skin, dark hair, all that. It's the summertime, me and her hook up for a while. Me and her don't work out. I seen her mostly as an object, and always was trying to make out with her, and do stuff. We break up a week into the new school year.
I am a Senior now, and very single. I think it's around this time (maybe before),I meet a girl named Liz, very strong feelings. Especially at first. But I don't pursue her, because I only seen her once in a while.
Sajan and I go to a Kabbalah Seminar in Sarasota. I found a lot of spiritual answers that I wanted, and that helped cope with not being able to be with Daniella, but even that wasn't enough. With more answers comes more questions, and I was not ready for the truth. Even if it meant freedom.
It's getting close to a year now since I stopped talking with Daniella, and I decided to call her right before Yom Kippur, and told her how I felt. I don't remember what I said, because I can't think when I talk to her, but I do remember telling her that I loved her. This was the second time I told a girl that, the difference this time being that I meant it. I really love her.
The effect was null. I never make the effort to go back with her, because I never got the signal. I put the bait out there, but not even a nibble. If she would have bit back, it would of meant she wanted me, or that she was ready for me.
The rest of the school year was mostly a blur. I had a quick fling with Sandra Doyle, because she is hurt, and I really really wanted to help her.
It graduation day, and the only thing I remember is watching her and her sister leave after getting their diploma, thinking, there goes the only girl I ever loved.
I want to stop my story here, because the next part of my love story is too recent to write it in retrospect. There are still things I have to do. Relationships I need to build. And friends I need to help.
That's my love life pretty much. I can't say it's as exciting as Sajans, but that's ok.
I started writing this at 4:30 a.m., and it's 7:10 a.m. I am going to get some much needed shut eye.
As for the Disney trip, it went all right. Me and Mackenzie picture messaged each other, and competed for like the best pictures, and stuff. Good game.
~Salame
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It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
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Friday, December 25, 2009
Family: Surprise!
So after I spent (my morning) the afternoon at my Uncle's house, I get the surprising news from my mom that I'll be spending the weekend at Disney. It's been a while since I've been there (years actually) so this should be good. I can't promise updates this weekend, but I will try.
Consolation Prize: A couple pictures from these past couple nights.
Courtesy of Melisa Bowman
A good friend won't disappear on you. A good friend gives you the room to screw up and to learn your lessons. They allow for your process to occur. Be that friend to someone, and thank them.
To friendships.
***ting
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It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
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Consolation Prize: A couple pictures from these past couple nights.
Courtesy of Melisa Bowman
A good friend won't disappear on you. A good friend gives you the room to screw up and to learn your lessons. They allow for your process to occur. Be that friend to someone, and thank them.
To friendships.
***ting
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
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You Guys, It's Christmas!
If you can't tell already, http://luismiguelrivera.blogspot.com/ is now http://luismiguelrivera.com/
Another link to check out, and bookmark is one that is only good one time a year, and that day is today. The site is called http://isitchristmas.com/ , and it answers the simple question, Is it Christmas?
This morning (2pm, Christmas Eve) when I woke up, I came to the realization that Iv'e been having the same re-occurring dream for a while now. I'd say it was about the 3rd or 4th time now. And each time it's with someone different. Very bizzare stuff. I wrote it down on my computer as fast as I could when I woke up so that I wouldn't forget.
I spent some time with my family at my aunt's house for christmas eve (which is when my family opens gifts and celebrate christmas), and I'd say that after about an hour we opened gifts or what not. It was alright, until like my mom just started talking loud for now reason, so I called sir Michael Lamb to pick me up.
Something happened between the time I left the house, and Michael Lamb picked me up. And I enjoyed my night. I got to spend these first moments of Christmas with Agnes, Jessica, Melisa, Sajan, and Michael.
Agnes = 15
Jessica = 16
Melisa = 17
Myself = 18
Sajan = 19
Michael = 20
Didn't notice it, till I got home, and Michael pointed it out, but very peculiar indeed.
Right now, my ideas are kind of like flowing, so I am literally just waiting for myself to mind to catch up, and bring up something relevant, that I can be passionate about. Hmm. What to do, what to do?
~~~
~~~
Kay, Goodnight!
Merry Christmas!
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It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another link to check out, and bookmark is one that is only good one time a year, and that day is today. The site is called http://isitchristmas.com/ , and it answers the simple question, Is it Christmas?
This morning (2pm, Christmas Eve) when I woke up, I came to the realization that Iv'e been having the same re-occurring dream for a while now. I'd say it was about the 3rd or 4th time now. And each time it's with someone different. Very bizzare stuff. I wrote it down on my computer as fast as I could when I woke up so that I wouldn't forget.
I spent some time with my family at my aunt's house for christmas eve (which is when my family opens gifts and celebrate christmas), and I'd say that after about an hour we opened gifts or what not. It was alright, until like my mom just started talking loud for now reason, so I called sir Michael Lamb to pick me up.
Something happened between the time I left the house, and Michael Lamb picked me up. And I enjoyed my night. I got to spend these first moments of Christmas with Agnes, Jessica, Melisa, Sajan, and Michael.
Agnes = 15
Jessica = 16
Melisa = 17
Myself = 18
Sajan = 19
Michael = 20
Didn't notice it, till I got home, and Michael pointed it out, but very peculiar indeed.
Right now, my ideas are kind of like flowing, so I am literally just waiting for myself to mind to catch up, and bring up something relevant, that I can be passionate about. Hmm. What to do, what to do?
~~~
~~~
Kay, Goodnight!
Merry Christmas!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
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Thursday, December 24, 2009
Sand: It's Everywhere!
This past week, I've been out to see shooting stars twice. In the company of good friends too, which made it even more extra special. As I laid on my back, and made my wishes, I could only think of how perfect these fleeting moments are.
Last night I sang at Applebee's, Tuesday Night Karaoke. Terrifying, and thrilling all the same. I chose a safe song that I knew was going to get everyone to sing along so I wouldn't stand out. "Don't Stop Believing"- Journey
Nights like these, are what make life worth living for.
Uninspired at present, but will put some pictures up I find moving.
This couple is how ideally I see myself with a woman.
Someone who looks like Selena Gomez is the kind of girl I see myself with, ideally.
I see myself living on a Mars colony. Especially within my lifetime.
I see Earth as a community of people living in peace with one another.
Man, I love these guys. They one of my sources of inspiration.
The future is now, and forever. The future is beautiful.
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It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last night I sang at Applebee's, Tuesday Night Karaoke. Terrifying, and thrilling all the same. I chose a safe song that I knew was going to get everyone to sing along so I wouldn't stand out. "Don't Stop Believing"- Journey
Nights like these, are what make life worth living for.
Uninspired at present, but will put some pictures up I find moving.
This couple is how ideally I see myself with a woman.
Someone who looks like Selena Gomez is the kind of girl I see myself with, ideally.
I see myself living on a Mars colony. Especially within my lifetime.
I see Earth as a community of people living in peace with one another.
Man, I love these guys. They one of my sources of inspiration.
The future is now, and forever. The future is beautiful.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Electric Feel
Stumbled upon this, and can relate to her dissatisfaction with the world in general. I've felt like this before.
"life is this complicated mess.
once you think you have anything figured out.
everything changes, and you have to wonder...
is it all worth it.
why even try anymore if everything changes so quickly.
since when did everything become so disposable.
or have we always used people and thrown them away like tissues.
i don't know what to do anymore.
it feels as though we've lost our humanity.
or maybe we never had this "humanity"
kurt vonnegut once wrote of how a purpose of our lives are to love whoever is around to be loved, but how can we do this when we never have those true lasting human connections.
we pretend, we go through the motions, but do we ever really connect.
some of us run.
we run away, but we just keep bumping into everything all over again.
nothing changes, people don't.
we have lost the human touch.
we have lost the human emotion.
i write, but i don't always feel.
i guess, what i'm trying to get at...is that we don't allow ourselves to feel anymore, we're too scared. we're too jaded. we're too....cold.
the fire's faded, and all that's left is a few smoldering embers."
by "Lauren Littlefoot"
I see the world, and all of its injustices, and feel compelled to change my life. So that I can change someone else's. I have made it a goal to help one person before I die. Like radically change their life. If I can do that, I can die a happy man, knowing the world I left behind is a better one than the one I inherited.
Our children, and theirs will inherit this world, and I will see to it that the world is a better place by then.
~Salame~
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It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
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"life is this complicated mess.
once you think you have anything figured out.
everything changes, and you have to wonder...
is it all worth it.
why even try anymore if everything changes so quickly.
since when did everything become so disposable.
or have we always used people and thrown them away like tissues.
i don't know what to do anymore.
it feels as though we've lost our humanity.
or maybe we never had this "humanity"
kurt vonnegut once wrote of how a purpose of our lives are to love whoever is around to be loved, but how can we do this when we never have those true lasting human connections.
we pretend, we go through the motions, but do we ever really connect.
some of us run.
we run away, but we just keep bumping into everything all over again.
nothing changes, people don't.
we have lost the human touch.
we have lost the human emotion.
i write, but i don't always feel.
i guess, what i'm trying to get at...is that we don't allow ourselves to feel anymore, we're too scared. we're too jaded. we're too....cold.
the fire's faded, and all that's left is a few smoldering embers."
by "Lauren Littlefoot"
I see the world, and all of its injustices, and feel compelled to change my life. So that I can change someone else's. I have made it a goal to help one person before I die. Like radically change their life. If I can do that, I can die a happy man, knowing the world I left behind is a better one than the one I inherited.
Our children, and theirs will inherit this world, and I will see to it that the world is a better place by then.
~Salame~
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It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
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Monday, December 21, 2009
Echoes, Faint
Had a rather large day, and honestly just want to go to sleep. But I did want to share this little gem I found.
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It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
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It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
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Numb Fingers
After watching AVATAR, it made me come to the realization that, as of late, I've had a certain disconnection, with my family, friends, society, the world, etc. If you've known me for long, you'd know that this is pretty normal for me, and that quite frankly I think it's healthy. But watching that film, made me remember how beautifully intertwined all of us are, in the cosmic fabric of space-time. And this is not a vague notion or novel idea to sound romantic, I am talking about an honest, deep connection that all of us share. One that's at our very core, and penetrates the soul. This is what I have been missing, and longing for.
After the "Oklahoma Trip" (I'll save that one for another day), I stopped believing in coincidences. Every once in a while, I see through new eyes, and what I see is that everything and everyone has its own special glow. That every situation put before me, was fated. And that the lessons are for me alone. To learn from things, whether they glow to me anymore, or not, and then accept. I feel it's more important to feel alive, than be.
It seems silly that I should be given so many chances to start over again, but I'll get it right someday. I have the universe in my hands, but so do you, and everyone else. I will change, and so can you.
A toast to change.
ting***
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It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
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After the "Oklahoma Trip" (I'll save that one for another day), I stopped believing in coincidences. Every once in a while, I see through new eyes, and what I see is that everything and everyone has its own special glow. That every situation put before me, was fated. And that the lessons are for me alone. To learn from things, whether they glow to me anymore, or not, and then accept. I feel it's more important to feel alive, than be.
It seems silly that I should be given so many chances to start over again, but I'll get it right someday. I have the universe in my hands, but so do you, and everyone else. I will change, and so can you.
A toast to change.
ting***
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
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Sunday, December 20, 2009
Ecstasy: Pass It On
Words cannot fully and truly capture these feelings of sheer ecstasy that I've had for I'd say the last 36 hours. Friday has a habit of being my most unreliable day, and perhaps the best day of every week. I woke up this morning, after a night of tom-foolery, and watched AVATAR in 3D. Let me preface this by saying, I never even heard of the movie prior to today, and I think I seen a trailer somewhere, but didn't find it as something that I'd be interested in.
If you haven't done so, stop reading this, don't even finish the next sentence. Do yourself a favor, and head on over to your local theater, and watch this movie. What are you doing still reading, go. Scoot along now.
I left the theater in awe. The world you are taken to, is absolutely captivating. There are days and nights when I crave for excitement, when I crave for really anything, and then there are days like these.
Today nothing mattered, and everything I did, I did, because it felt right, and because I wanted to. No voices in my head, calling me an idiot. Telling me how frightened I'm supposed to be. Nope. Today was perfect, in every way. I would normally stay up till 5 or 6 in the morning, doing whatever, but I have my own reasons to go to sleep early tonight.
Wish I could write more, but time is a wastin'.
Good night, good luck. Have fun.
PS- Go watch AVATAR
PSS- I have changed the footer at the end of each post.
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It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you haven't done so, stop reading this, don't even finish the next sentence. Do yourself a favor, and head on over to your local theater, and watch this movie. What are you doing still reading, go. Scoot along now.
I left the theater in awe. The world you are taken to, is absolutely captivating. There are days and nights when I crave for excitement, when I crave for really anything, and then there are days like these.
Today nothing mattered, and everything I did, I did, because it felt right, and because I wanted to. No voices in my head, calling me an idiot. Telling me how frightened I'm supposed to be. Nope. Today was perfect, in every way. I would normally stay up till 5 or 6 in the morning, doing whatever, but I have my own reasons to go to sleep early tonight.
Wish I could write more, but time is a wastin'.
Good night, good luck. Have fun.
PS- Go watch AVATAR
PSS- I have changed the footer at the end of each post.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is not what we do that causes us to suffer; it is the disconnection between what we do and what we should do.
Today, get going on one thing you know you need to do in order to be happy but haven't done due to procrastination.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday, December 18, 2009
My Friend, Patience
Sometimes I wonder where my life would be at times, had I made some choices. It's really the do-ers in life that get anywhere. If I live from my heart, and make choices, they will of course guide me to, hopefully, my highest good. But that's it. Living from my heart. It seems rather destructive. Like if I really had my way, there'd be a great leap in creativity in the world. The way that society is structured, especially these days, those with the greatest heads coming out of college, instead living a passionate life, with creativity, and what-not, they use their energy, and get into the world of finance. Actively being a force of destruction. It's a shame that people at large have bought into the illusion of becoming the %1, of joining the ranks of some of the most "powerful" people today. If it were up to me, I'd base the economy on the principle of abundance. With the utilization of today's technology there is more than enough resources to house, feed, educate, and care for all the people of the world. The only thing that seems to be in the way is a mystical force called money. And if it's in the hands of the few, how will you ever convince them to let it go? If it were up to me, the system would fail. The system would fail, and the common people would come to realize the absurdity of it all. And start something new. Build a society that was based trust, peace, and love. Build a society where the needs of man can be manifested instantaneously, with zero to little effort.
For me, the only thing I can honestly say that I care about is film. I love movies. I love being in that studio environment. I love telling a good story. I love every aspect of being apart of the film-making process. And one of my final goals in life, is to open up a school/studio environment, where people can go and get an education in the field absolutely free of charge. "Rivera Independent, Institute.", I already have a name for it and everything. But first I need an education myself, and I'd say the only thing. The absolute only thing that is stopping me, is money. My family is poor, and obviously cannot afford to send me to the college I want to go to (or any college for that matter). So now I am in a tight spot. I have to be CREATIVE. I have to figure out what it is that I can do, to manifest these desires. I went to California, hoping I'd get a break over there, but eventually found myself in a situation that wasn't fulfilling enough for me to want to stay.
I need to start living from my heart some more. I can't go on knowing that I am half-assing it. That I could have done better. I could have what I want right now, and it's all a matter of making choices.
I have always been one to accept my fate, and kind of go with the natural flow of things. But I am an Aquarius for god-sake. I am the one who rebels. I am the one who carves my own path. And if I am to go to back to school, I'll have to rebel. I can't accept a fate, where I am not happy. I just can't.
Toast to happiness.
***ting
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Just as it is important to believe in God, it's equally important to believe in yourself.
Today, own your greatness.
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For me, the only thing I can honestly say that I care about is film. I love movies. I love being in that studio environment. I love telling a good story. I love every aspect of being apart of the film-making process. And one of my final goals in life, is to open up a school/studio environment, where people can go and get an education in the field absolutely free of charge. "Rivera Independent, Institute.", I already have a name for it and everything. But first I need an education myself, and I'd say the only thing. The absolute only thing that is stopping me, is money. My family is poor, and obviously cannot afford to send me to the college I want to go to (or any college for that matter). So now I am in a tight spot. I have to be CREATIVE. I have to figure out what it is that I can do, to manifest these desires. I went to California, hoping I'd get a break over there, but eventually found myself in a situation that wasn't fulfilling enough for me to want to stay.
I need to start living from my heart some more. I can't go on knowing that I am half-assing it. That I could have done better. I could have what I want right now, and it's all a matter of making choices.
I have always been one to accept my fate, and kind of go with the natural flow of things. But I am an Aquarius for god-sake. I am the one who rebels. I am the one who carves my own path. And if I am to go to back to school, I'll have to rebel. I can't accept a fate, where I am not happy. I just can't.
Toast to happiness.
***ting
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Just as it is important to believe in God, it's equally important to believe in yourself.
Today, own your greatness.
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Thursday, December 17, 2009
Euphoria: Amanda Palmer
I normally don't post twice in a day, but I found this gem today, and want to share it with everyone. I know this was recorded more than a year ago, but on this day she has touched my soul. Amanda Palmer
Answers: Of Head, And Heart
I am writing whatever comes to me.
What do I want from life? Happiness. But not just Happiness, pursuing it. And as vague, and non-specific that is, it's true. What I want more than anything from life, is to pursue happiness. I have many roads left, and many roadblocks. Many of them, just me. My fears. I am very naive when it comes to my feelings. I can love, but can I feel it? Can I feel the love of other people. Opening my heart is a hard thing for me to do. Extremely hard. Beyond quantum physics, hard. It's like I know that part of the secret, is to open yourself up to be able to receive. It's just, I feel guilty. I feel that if I take, not only do I have to give back, I have to give back more. More than I put in. Which in-itself isn't a bad thing, but I don't feel that I can do that all the time. I find myself lost in my own thoughts. I don't know. Uncertainty works great in situational problems. Not so much in other things. No one can offer any kind of certainty when it comes to love, or even ones feelings, including me. And I think this more than anything is what I am afraid of. The fact that I coexist with uncertainty, and have to embrace it. So long as I can love, I will. I pick and choose my role models, but when it comes to love, I can't say that I, or anyone really, has an ideal role model. Life kind of happens, and so does love. When you intermingle the two, especially on this limited plane, things get cloudy. All of a sudden, there are roadblocks. There are pitfalls. There are the things that get in the way and distract. I've been gifted with the ability to influence, yet I can't convince myself that I am deserving of love. It is just me. My past. And what appears to be, my lack. This past hour, especially, I have been on sort of this roller coaster. And in a way, it's almost not real. Yet here it is, in front of me. When I am done writing this, I will meditate. There is a lot of fogginess in my head, and I need to dwell in that a bit, and then clear it up. The answer is obvious. Follow my heart. Much easier said than done. I can ask for abundance all day, but my heart needs to be willing to receive as well. I try my best to dwell in positivity, I just get distracted from time to time. And I think that's where I am right now. I don't KNOW what to FEEL anymore. That statement is bizarre, because, that's the thing, I think it's all in my head, but I know there is something there. Something very definite, yet intangible, all the same.
"It is, and it isn't"- That black lady from the Tarvu video
I think I'm done. I am publishing this one hour ahead of schedule, because I have a lasagna that needs eating. I really wish that I could write more, but I have a headache now. If I write some more, I'll include it in my next post.
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Just as it is important to believe in God, it's equally important to believe in yourself.
Today, own your greatness.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do I want from life? Happiness. But not just Happiness, pursuing it. And as vague, and non-specific that is, it's true. What I want more than anything from life, is to pursue happiness. I have many roads left, and many roadblocks. Many of them, just me. My fears. I am very naive when it comes to my feelings. I can love, but can I feel it? Can I feel the love of other people. Opening my heart is a hard thing for me to do. Extremely hard. Beyond quantum physics, hard. It's like I know that part of the secret, is to open yourself up to be able to receive. It's just, I feel guilty. I feel that if I take, not only do I have to give back, I have to give back more. More than I put in. Which in-itself isn't a bad thing, but I don't feel that I can do that all the time. I find myself lost in my own thoughts. I don't know. Uncertainty works great in situational problems. Not so much in other things. No one can offer any kind of certainty when it comes to love, or even ones feelings, including me. And I think this more than anything is what I am afraid of. The fact that I coexist with uncertainty, and have to embrace it. So long as I can love, I will. I pick and choose my role models, but when it comes to love, I can't say that I, or anyone really, has an ideal role model. Life kind of happens, and so does love. When you intermingle the two, especially on this limited plane, things get cloudy. All of a sudden, there are roadblocks. There are pitfalls. There are the things that get in the way and distract. I've been gifted with the ability to influence, yet I can't convince myself that I am deserving of love. It is just me. My past. And what appears to be, my lack. This past hour, especially, I have been on sort of this roller coaster. And in a way, it's almost not real. Yet here it is, in front of me. When I am done writing this, I will meditate. There is a lot of fogginess in my head, and I need to dwell in that a bit, and then clear it up. The answer is obvious. Follow my heart. Much easier said than done. I can ask for abundance all day, but my heart needs to be willing to receive as well. I try my best to dwell in positivity, I just get distracted from time to time. And I think that's where I am right now. I don't KNOW what to FEEL anymore. That statement is bizarre, because, that's the thing, I think it's all in my head, but I know there is something there. Something very definite, yet intangible, all the same.
"It is, and it isn't"- That black lady from the Tarvu video
I think I'm done. I am publishing this one hour ahead of schedule, because I have a lasagna that needs eating. I really wish that I could write more, but I have a headache now. If I write some more, I'll include it in my next post.
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Just as it is important to believe in God, it's equally important to believe in yourself.
Today, own your greatness.
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Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Poking Her Face
Uninspired at present. So I'll share something that I wrote during my time in Cali, when I was "inspired", shall we say. I just read it over. Doesn't make any sense. So don't expect anything coherent. At the time, I just wrote whatever came to my head. There is actually a video that goes with this, but will spare you the 10 minutes of your life.
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This is what I look like when I am high. Right now i just thought that someone will use this footage, but I won't give anyone the rights to publish this video. If you want to publish this you will have to pay me a thousand dollars a day for the rest of my life. ok, so where do i begin, as i am typing this, i think i am going really fast, but chances are i am no where near to the speed that i type at when i am not high. there is a world around you, some think it is magic, but it most certainly is not, this world that you see around you is a slice of all the multiple dimensions that we are living in. Everytime to have a thought, every time you had a sudden inspiration to write something, much like i am doing presently, you get a sense that there is something much more powerful in the universe. One day someone will quote that, and i can't blame them. If this video, ever makes it into court, let it be known that, I Luis Rivera, am solely responsible for my mistakes. This is one, and I look forward to meeting you in another lifetime, when the one you are in fades, and all you have to think of, is how many times you will ever blink in fouty four seconds to the clock. I always thought of my writing as code. For the next several sentences, I will type the very next thing that comes to my mind. What is a mind, if you can't even know whether or not you exist. There are time tables that you can put in severall different sequences, and if you ever try to look at the past, you will see that the aliens, as we call them now, are the sole reason we have so much variety among our species. The early Earth was considered a pit stop, much like you see it in Star Trek, when captain picard and his crew stop on a planet. the aliens that were brought here came from different parts of the galaxy. In fact the only two species that are similar would be asain men and women, and dolphins. Some of the early primitive aliens, hadn't developped legs, and were stuck comunicating with each other telepathically. Among several of the children, Aquarian children, or children of Indigo descent, there are some that have fully evolved from the ancient dolphins. it took them over millions and thousands of years, but they finally have telepathically transmitted their dna to human sperm inside women who are fertilizing eggs. see the dna is coated with special signals to tell the egg durring fertilization what parts to grow, and what parts not to grow. they customized them to look like us, but have the telepathic powers that they have. they are called indigo children because that is the constant color of their auras. Togepi is a fictional egg that hatches in the pokemon series, togepi could be considred an aquarian child because of her move "metronome". I try to play the piano, to connect me to the higher dimensions above us. there is a code in all of this. I am certain that me and emilie hawk will get it on like cybertron one day. i also played tekken two when i was younger. parts of me wish i was still a child. you know that a chode will only grow about about 2 milimeters every year that you don't have sex. i hope that i don't blow it for the other people in the world that have smoken weed before. i am not the poster child for weed. i am trying to be more aquarian like by being born in aquarius. i have intuitions sometimes that i just know are correct, and they usually die. For instance I knew when Michael Jackson died the same day he died. I have a feeling that the dog madison will die four days after i finish typing this. i wish there was a way that i could thank all the people that got me to this point in my life. there are times in your life when your may feel it necesarry to take those risks in life. you know i preach about it all the time, but do i consider my self a man of merit i most certainly do. in the movie the land before time, petri the bat told me that its very very each to play hop scotch. Pepsi Cola and Star Wars do not mix, but you know what does? Star Trek and 7UP. Oh dear, it is nine thirty eight pm. i sure wish britney spears was here by my side. you know i think that i love that woman. she is strong, and obviously loves her children. you know, i am looking for a mother like that. she working that back, slo motion for meh, slow motion for meehh. you know, i down't know any australians that would want to watch twilight. i mean really, it's australia, how can they relate to a place with no sun. you know who's cute, that kristen stewart. i loved her in the one movie about the guy who lives in a van in alaska, and then goes around the world, exploring the inner workings oh his own soul. you know i would love to bring a girl home like kristen stewart. i live in california by the way, so if you want to call me my twitter account is /thekockyroach and that aplies to my facebook, and myspace so, yeah if you ever want to hook up anytime, i don't have money, but i bet you won't ever forget the laughing and the good times. so be sure to pay me. and i also would like a zune hd. the thirty two gig models. i got all my songs in lossless wma so that when i would bring it to my player, it would play in high definition. you know that richard dunn, from tim and eric awesome show great job, he was on the tonight show with conan o brien. i am going to really like that jay leno show. you know, my best friend sajan, well his mother got to see jay leno one time. i find that if i just keep on typeing one that to the next, i don't have to try as harder. it's almost as if i can't even control my fingers any more, my brain has high jacked my fingers. ahhhh. dinosaurs. you know what's funny ? is the joke i put up on twitter about barney being one bruised up dinosaur. he is actually green, in true nature, like his sister boppy. you and me, changes clothes, i don't laugh, i don't sing , so boring, cause you are hot then you are cold, you're in then you're out, you're up then your down. we can get it on right now, just have a car, off me food, and a ride home there and back, and me and you can get it on like donkey kong. wow, i just heard dogs getting eaten by werewolves. this is some crazy stuff. i haven't been able to shut up since i got high. you know what i think it should be illegal to ban a natural product. these idiots that we have as congress are a bunch of morons. yeah that's right you are such scumbags that i can even tell you off while i am high. i don't want to beat anyone up, i am not angry. i display none of the symptoms that the government at larger merits it. who knows, one day all of you will be ready when the original settlers want to return to planet earth. oprah and guinan often confuse me sometimes. they are both black, and they are both powerful. fuck the mpaa, and riaa. i'm sir elton john, and i know what it's like to be one top of the world. it is just a matter of perspective.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Life was never meant to be so serious. Have fun while you still have the chance.
A toast, to fun times.
*ting
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Just as it is important to believe in God, it's equally important to believe in yourself.
Today, own your greatness.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
This is what I look like when I am high. Right now i just thought that someone will use this footage, but I won't give anyone the rights to publish this video. If you want to publish this you will have to pay me a thousand dollars a day for the rest of my life. ok, so where do i begin, as i am typing this, i think i am going really fast, but chances are i am no where near to the speed that i type at when i am not high. there is a world around you, some think it is magic, but it most certainly is not, this world that you see around you is a slice of all the multiple dimensions that we are living in. Everytime to have a thought, every time you had a sudden inspiration to write something, much like i am doing presently, you get a sense that there is something much more powerful in the universe. One day someone will quote that, and i can't blame them. If this video, ever makes it into court, let it be known that, I Luis Rivera, am solely responsible for my mistakes. This is one, and I look forward to meeting you in another lifetime, when the one you are in fades, and all you have to think of, is how many times you will ever blink in fouty four seconds to the clock. I always thought of my writing as code. For the next several sentences, I will type the very next thing that comes to my mind. What is a mind, if you can't even know whether or not you exist. There are time tables that you can put in severall different sequences, and if you ever try to look at the past, you will see that the aliens, as we call them now, are the sole reason we have so much variety among our species. The early Earth was considered a pit stop, much like you see it in Star Trek, when captain picard and his crew stop on a planet. the aliens that were brought here came from different parts of the galaxy. In fact the only two species that are similar would be asain men and women, and dolphins. Some of the early primitive aliens, hadn't developped legs, and were stuck comunicating with each other telepathically. Among several of the children, Aquarian children, or children of Indigo descent, there are some that have fully evolved from the ancient dolphins. it took them over millions and thousands of years, but they finally have telepathically transmitted their dna to human sperm inside women who are fertilizing eggs. see the dna is coated with special signals to tell the egg durring fertilization what parts to grow, and what parts not to grow. they customized them to look like us, but have the telepathic powers that they have. they are called indigo children because that is the constant color of their auras. Togepi is a fictional egg that hatches in the pokemon series, togepi could be considred an aquarian child because of her move "metronome". I try to play the piano, to connect me to the higher dimensions above us. there is a code in all of this. I am certain that me and emilie hawk will get it on like cybertron one day. i also played tekken two when i was younger. parts of me wish i was still a child. you know that a chode will only grow about about 2 milimeters every year that you don't have sex. i hope that i don't blow it for the other people in the world that have smoken weed before. i am not the poster child for weed. i am trying to be more aquarian like by being born in aquarius. i have intuitions sometimes that i just know are correct, and they usually die. For instance I knew when Michael Jackson died the same day he died. I have a feeling that the dog madison will die four days after i finish typing this. i wish there was a way that i could thank all the people that got me to this point in my life. there are times in your life when your may feel it necesarry to take those risks in life. you know i preach about it all the time, but do i consider my self a man of merit i most certainly do. in the movie the land before time, petri the bat told me that its very very each to play hop scotch. Pepsi Cola and Star Wars do not mix, but you know what does? Star Trek and 7UP. Oh dear, it is nine thirty eight pm. i sure wish britney spears was here by my side. you know i think that i love that woman. she is strong, and obviously loves her children. you know, i am looking for a mother like that. she working that back, slo motion for meh, slow motion for meehh. you know, i down't know any australians that would want to watch twilight. i mean really, it's australia, how can they relate to a place with no sun. you know who's cute, that kristen stewart. i loved her in the one movie about the guy who lives in a van in alaska, and then goes around the world, exploring the inner workings oh his own soul. you know i would love to bring a girl home like kristen stewart. i live in california by the way, so if you want to call me my twitter account is /thekockyroach and that aplies to my facebook, and myspace so, yeah if you ever want to hook up anytime, i don't have money, but i bet you won't ever forget the laughing and the good times. so be sure to pay me. and i also would like a zune hd. the thirty two gig models. i got all my songs in lossless wma so that when i would bring it to my player, it would play in high definition. you know that richard dunn, from tim and eric awesome show great job, he was on the tonight show with conan o brien. i am going to really like that jay leno show. you know, my best friend sajan, well his mother got to see jay leno one time. i find that if i just keep on typeing one that to the next, i don't have to try as harder. it's almost as if i can't even control my fingers any more, my brain has high jacked my fingers. ahhhh. dinosaurs. you know what's funny ? is the joke i put up on twitter about barney being one bruised up dinosaur. he is actually green, in true nature, like his sister boppy. you and me, changes clothes, i don't laugh, i don't sing , so boring, cause you are hot then you are cold, you're in then you're out, you're up then your down. we can get it on right now, just have a car, off me food, and a ride home there and back, and me and you can get it on like donkey kong. wow, i just heard dogs getting eaten by werewolves. this is some crazy stuff. i haven't been able to shut up since i got high. you know what i think it should be illegal to ban a natural product. these idiots that we have as congress are a bunch of morons. yeah that's right you are such scumbags that i can even tell you off while i am high. i don't want to beat anyone up, i am not angry. i display none of the symptoms that the government at larger merits it. who knows, one day all of you will be ready when the original settlers want to return to planet earth. oprah and guinan often confuse me sometimes. they are both black, and they are both powerful. fuck the mpaa, and riaa. i'm sir elton john, and i know what it's like to be one top of the world. it is just a matter of perspective.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Life was never meant to be so serious. Have fun while you still have the chance.
A toast, to fun times.
*ting
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Just as it is important to believe in God, it's equally important to believe in yourself.
Today, own your greatness.
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Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Shades: Shifting Perspectives
Today I bought some new shades. My old ones were done with at the party last Friday. And it dawned upon me, that for every pair of shades that I owned, it was a different part of my life. My first ones, I owned since the summer leading into my Senior year, up until right before I left for California. If I had to categorize that part of my life after a figurative (maybe literal) rebirth, I would consider that, Infancy/Toddler years.
I was extremely curious about all thing in life at this point, and that was also the year that I began to think spiritually about things. I had a brand new outlook on the world, and my life was truly starting. It was also the year that I began taking control of my life, and stop letting my ego get in the way of things. Something I am still working on by the way.
My second pair of shades, was fairly recent. I got my second pair of shades in California. I bought them symbolically, with the intention that I was turning a new chapter in my life, the "tween years". This is a point in my life where, everything, even day to day life, seemed uncertain. There were considerable losses. I had to deal with the death of both a family member (my brother) and a friend (Dejuan), from far away. I experienced all the typical things that you would in those tricky tween years.
With my very recent feelings toward what love is, and what it may or may not mean to me, I am entering a new phase of my life, I'll call, Adolescence. Hence my new shades.
Love, I don't know. I'll get back to you on that one. What is love? Maybe I shouldn't be so fool-hearty with my feelings and emotions. But then again, why hold back? Why go against the natural flow? Some people believe in it, and some don't. I fall in that first group. Don't know WHY. Maybe there isn't a WHY. I just do.
I have a feeling that this upcoming week, something will happen, or perhaps a combination of events will culminate, that could profoundly affect my future. I'm not talking about love, at least I don't think so. But I just feel it. I don't know what it is, but am keeping an open heart and mind for it.
In my last post, I asked for your questions, and I got one. The question was by Kali "Xenia" Elizabeth Diamond, and she asks:
***a few words were cut off, here is a link to see the question in full***
To be honest, I can't be naive enough to say that I am better than anyone, including Joe Blow. We are all spiritual beings having a physical experience, and to say that I am good or bad, is a matter of perspective. I can't say any ONE thing is genuinely good about me, I'm a hobgosh configuration of past experiences, and whatnot. Sure there are things I like about myself. For starters, I don't consider myself the conventional type. I do things the way that I want to, and to do anything less, means death (figuratively of course). I am much more accepting than the typical person probably. A lot of times when we try to convince someone we're right, it's often not because we care about the person, but rather we need their affirmation to feel good about our own beliefs. It is a no-win situation because we're a slave to other peoples reactions and our contentiousness pushes people away. I try not to push people away, but can't always keep that promise. I am not sure I am answering the question fully, but I tried.
The challenge is still out there. I can't promise that I am going to have something inspirational, or important to talk about everyday, and I'm going to need some juice. So if there is a topic, or subject you want me to touch on, I'll keep a list, and cover them when I am feel the timing is right.
Don't a ghost, post.
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Just as it is important to believe in God, it's equally important to believe in yourself.
Today, own your greatness.
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I was extremely curious about all thing in life at this point, and that was also the year that I began to think spiritually about things. I had a brand new outlook on the world, and my life was truly starting. It was also the year that I began taking control of my life, and stop letting my ego get in the way of things. Something I am still working on by the way.
My second pair of shades, was fairly recent. I got my second pair of shades in California. I bought them symbolically, with the intention that I was turning a new chapter in my life, the "tween years". This is a point in my life where, everything, even day to day life, seemed uncertain. There were considerable losses. I had to deal with the death of both a family member (my brother) and a friend (Dejuan), from far away. I experienced all the typical things that you would in those tricky tween years.
With my very recent feelings toward what love is, and what it may or may not mean to me, I am entering a new phase of my life, I'll call, Adolescence. Hence my new shades.
Love, I don't know. I'll get back to you on that one. What is love? Maybe I shouldn't be so fool-hearty with my feelings and emotions. But then again, why hold back? Why go against the natural flow? Some people believe in it, and some don't. I fall in that first group. Don't know WHY. Maybe there isn't a WHY. I just do.
I have a feeling that this upcoming week, something will happen, or perhaps a combination of events will culminate, that could profoundly affect my future. I'm not talking about love, at least I don't think so. But I just feel it. I don't know what it is, but am keeping an open heart and mind for it.
In my last post, I asked for your questions, and I got one. The question was by Kali "Xenia" Elizabeth Diamond, and she asks:
***a few words were cut off, here is a link to see the question in full***
To be honest, I can't be naive enough to say that I am better than anyone, including Joe Blow. We are all spiritual beings having a physical experience, and to say that I am good or bad, is a matter of perspective. I can't say any ONE thing is genuinely good about me, I'm a hobgosh configuration of past experiences, and whatnot. Sure there are things I like about myself. For starters, I don't consider myself the conventional type. I do things the way that I want to, and to do anything less, means death (figuratively of course). I am much more accepting than the typical person probably. A lot of times when we try to convince someone we're right, it's often not because we care about the person, but rather we need their affirmation to feel good about our own beliefs. It is a no-win situation because we're a slave to other peoples reactions and our contentiousness pushes people away. I try not to push people away, but can't always keep that promise. I am not sure I am answering the question fully, but I tried.
The challenge is still out there. I can't promise that I am going to have something inspirational, or important to talk about everyday, and I'm going to need some juice. So if there is a topic, or subject you want me to touch on, I'll keep a list, and cover them when I am feel the timing is right.
Don't a ghost, post.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just as it is important to believe in God, it's equally important to believe in yourself.
Today, own your greatness.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Friends: Of Kiss, and Bliss
These past, I'd say 48 hours have truly been revolutionary, and dare I say evolutionary. I find it amazing that with all the technology available, with all the means of communication these days, the high tech choice of the day is...
texting! (yay)
For those of you who don't know (which is pretty much everyone reading this blog), Daniella Hernandez was my first love. Last night, I lifted a burden that has been chipping away at my heart for over two years now. I'm not going to go into the deets, because I know she is going to read this, and wouldn't want me to do so, but I can honestly say, that I feel like loving again. Truly, dearly, wholeheartedly loving again.
It's been a war with my heart, and my head. I'm not sure to the level or degree that Nick Montes, from ( nickmontes.com ) , that the heartbreak with his first love went, but if it's anywhere near anything I felt, I can relate him. Finally.
I used to tell him that there are 'plenty of fish in the sea' (and there are), but I just realized how insensitive that is. The very last thing that one wants to hear after a heartbreak is that they should start dating other people. The immediate thing you want to do is fix things. Fix things so that MAYBE you can stay with your dream lover.
I tried fixing things, but the deeper I went, the more roadblocks I came to. You find out things that weren't there before, but were really there the whole time, just you didn't notice them. You find all sorts of contradictions. It was a mess. I find that the truth, no matter how unwanted or undesired, has a way of liberating people.
I titled this post "Friends: Of Kiss, and Bliss", because last night, I went to downtown Bradenton (a city in Florida that should definitely be on the map), and had the time of my life with my friends. Not just Michael, "The Group" as I call it.
There was shirts-off basketball on a rooftop, there was kissing underneath the mistletoe, there was food, a near-death experience (Nick Montes), and what I realized that night was, that was what I was craving for. The experience of being among friends. When I was in California for those six months, rarely did I ever hang out side of the house with my roommates. And when I did, it was a big deal. I put it all over Facebook (like anyone cared). But yeah, I just miss waking up, and having a random ass day, Literally.
And we are poor, so it forces us to be creative.
Speaking of friends, I just got of the phone with my best friend of many years. Sajan Melcher. I let him know what's going on in my life, and it was cool. He supported me. I would go on a rant, and speak for hours on end about our friendship, but that's another post for another day.
Today I will talk my readers. Which aren't many, by the way. According to some stats, I get on average about 12 unique visitors, and 5 of them returning. I am putting out a challenge. Come up with a question for me to answer, or a topic to cover, and I will include it in my next post. It can be on anything, literally. Leave an anonymous/non-anonymous comment, or email me at
luismiguelrivera@inbox.com
I am doing this, because I feel uninspired right now, and don't want to write when I am uninspired.
Goodluck out there, you.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just as it is important to believe in God, it's equally important to believe in yourself.
Today, own your greatness.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
texting! (yay)
For those of you who don't know (which is pretty much everyone reading this blog), Daniella Hernandez was my first love. Last night, I lifted a burden that has been chipping away at my heart for over two years now. I'm not going to go into the deets, because I know she is going to read this, and wouldn't want me to do so, but I can honestly say, that I feel like loving again. Truly, dearly, wholeheartedly loving again.
It's been a war with my heart, and my head. I'm not sure to the level or degree that Nick Montes, from ( nickmontes.com ) , that the heartbreak with his first love went, but if it's anywhere near anything I felt, I can relate him. Finally.
I used to tell him that there are 'plenty of fish in the sea' (and there are), but I just realized how insensitive that is. The very last thing that one wants to hear after a heartbreak is that they should start dating other people. The immediate thing you want to do is fix things. Fix things so that MAYBE you can stay with your dream lover.
I tried fixing things, but the deeper I went, the more roadblocks I came to. You find out things that weren't there before, but were really there the whole time, just you didn't notice them. You find all sorts of contradictions. It was a mess. I find that the truth, no matter how unwanted or undesired, has a way of liberating people.
I titled this post "Friends: Of Kiss, and Bliss", because last night, I went to downtown Bradenton (a city in Florida that should definitely be on the map), and had the time of my life with my friends. Not just Michael, "The Group" as I call it.
There was shirts-off basketball on a rooftop, there was kissing underneath the mistletoe, there was food, a near-death experience (Nick Montes), and what I realized that night was, that was what I was craving for. The experience of being among friends. When I was in California for those six months, rarely did I ever hang out side of the house with my roommates. And when I did, it was a big deal. I put it all over Facebook (like anyone cared). But yeah, I just miss waking up, and having a random ass day, Literally.
And we are poor, so it forces us to be creative.
Speaking of friends, I just got of the phone with my best friend of many years. Sajan Melcher. I let him know what's going on in my life, and it was cool. He supported me. I would go on a rant, and speak for hours on end about our friendship, but that's another post for another day.
Today I will talk my readers. Which aren't many, by the way. According to some stats, I get on average about 12 unique visitors, and 5 of them returning. I am putting out a challenge. Come up with a question for me to answer, or a topic to cover, and I will include it in my next post. It can be on anything, literally. Leave an anonymous/non-anonymous comment, or email me at
luismiguelrivera@inbox.com
I am doing this, because I feel uninspired right now, and don't want to write when I am uninspired.
Goodluck out there, you.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just as it is important to believe in God, it's equally important to believe in yourself.
Today, own your greatness.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Tom Sawyer: Esposito Girl
Normally I try to update my blog around 3 in the morning. That was not the case today. After me and Michael left a football game last night, there was a party, at my friend Jack O' Keef's house. Some friends were already there, so we picked up some girl-friends of mine, and another Michael. Michael Young. LOTS of stuff happened, that I won't mention, but overall, I enjoyed myself. I am actually still in recovery mode. And it's pretty hard for me to type. I tried going to sleep, but a combination of a messed up body clock, and some alcohol, won't let me go to sleep. So I figured I'd write.
When I was in California, I made a very special and dear friend. His name is Nick. Nick is the spiritual type, and he's been around me, when I've been under the influence, and he told me that I should write. And it makes sense. When you are like this, you kind of loose you inhibitions, and you don't care of the judgments of others. The only thing that is important, is the present moment. Right Here, Right Now.
Everything else is Royksopp.
If you were to ask me, just exactly what I am thinking, I can't give you a definite answer. For the past couple hours, it's been one long sequence of miniature thoughts. Not really having any definite beginning or end.
"Europe Endless"-Kraftwerk
I'm in my boxers at Devin's house. How I made it in life is beyond me? I'm not sure if I shared this on this blog, but I did on my old blog. I want to go to South America in June of next year. The chances of this actually happening, seems to be less and less. Originally I wanted to do this because I felt my life was not going in any definite direction. And to the day, that's been the case. I love this lifestyle of not knowing what the next day brings, but it's a difficult one to sustain and maintain. Actium. At a certain point, you lose a connection with the "real" world, and all its misgivings. Makes me wish sometimes that I didn't know what was going on in the world. Oblivious is Oblivion, is Bliss. I feel like there is a huge burden on my shoulders, because I've been exposed to so many truths. It's overwhelming to take in at times, but I have a strong mind, and manage.
I read a description of my horoscope sign, Aquarius. Found it startlingly accurate. A lot of it is stuff that I didn't even realize about myself, until I read it. It's like someone pulled apart my head, and read it like a book. Bill Gates.
Julio called. Stewart called. Devin's pretty famous around here.
sleeptime. finish later.
--11:26 pm--
So I am feeling a bit better. The events of last night, made me realize a startling truth. Your world can change in an instant, and between the fleeting moments, and the slow burns of life, you have options choices, and decisions to make. They mold your destiny. They scream from the mountaintops. They whisper in the valleys. I can't say for sure that anything is good or bad in life. Everyone is different.
Oblivious is Oblivion, is Bliss.
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Just as it is important to believe in God, it's equally important to believe in yourself.
Today, own your greatness.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I was in California, I made a very special and dear friend. His name is Nick. Nick is the spiritual type, and he's been around me, when I've been under the influence, and he told me that I should write. And it makes sense. When you are like this, you kind of loose you inhibitions, and you don't care of the judgments of others. The only thing that is important, is the present moment. Right Here, Right Now.
Everything else is Royksopp.
If you were to ask me, just exactly what I am thinking, I can't give you a definite answer. For the past couple hours, it's been one long sequence of miniature thoughts. Not really having any definite beginning or end.
"Europe Endless"-Kraftwerk
I'm in my boxers at Devin's house. How I made it in life is beyond me? I'm not sure if I shared this on this blog, but I did on my old blog. I want to go to South America in June of next year. The chances of this actually happening, seems to be less and less. Originally I wanted to do this because I felt my life was not going in any definite direction. And to the day, that's been the case. I love this lifestyle of not knowing what the next day brings, but it's a difficult one to sustain and maintain. Actium. At a certain point, you lose a connection with the "real" world, and all its misgivings. Makes me wish sometimes that I didn't know what was going on in the world. Oblivious is Oblivion, is Bliss. I feel like there is a huge burden on my shoulders, because I've been exposed to so many truths. It's overwhelming to take in at times, but I have a strong mind, and manage.
I read a description of my horoscope sign, Aquarius. Found it startlingly accurate. A lot of it is stuff that I didn't even realize about myself, until I read it. It's like someone pulled apart my head, and read it like a book. Bill Gates.
Julio called. Stewart called. Devin's pretty famous around here.
sleeptime. finish later.
--11:26 pm--
So I am feeling a bit better. The events of last night, made me realize a startling truth. Your world can change in an instant, and between the fleeting moments, and the slow burns of life, you have options choices, and decisions to make. They mold your destiny. They scream from the mountaintops. They whisper in the valleys. I can't say for sure that anything is good or bad in life. Everyone is different.
Oblivious is Oblivion, is Bliss.
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Just as it is important to believe in God, it's equally important to believe in yourself.
Today, own your greatness.
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Friday, December 11, 2009
Friends: Amen, Forever and Ever
So once again, for the second or third day in a row, I have awoken to the beat of Michael Lamb at my door. Last night I wasn't able to go to sleep for I'd say about 6:30 in the morning. My sisters were starting their day, and I was ending mine. So Michael, has the nerve to wake me up at 10:30 in the morning. But he is my friend, and I have to answer the hopeless chap. Yet again, another futile day. We watched The Hangover (commentary later), Bruno (commentary later), and Jenifer's Body (commentary later).
Right now I feel, blankness.
Earlier in the day, when sir Michael wasn't here, I was seriously looking into Full Sail. For those who don't know, Full Sail, is like the uber shit, if you are going to make any kind of art, especially film.
Film is something that I am passionate about, and I see myself in that industry in the future. But my story, and my entry into there will be like none other. I have always been one to take the unnecessarily long way to getting to things.
It's like you can appreciate things quantuplified, when you put a lot of focus, and energy into it for a long time. For instance. When I left for Cali, in July, I knew it was going to be a suicide mission. I just knew it. The odds were never in my favor going in, or out.
I am not conventional. Even in the face of extinction, I will choose what feels right, more than the logical choice. To this day, I am still plagued with some of my paster decisions.
What if I had decided to become an athlete? What if I had decided not to purchase a Zune? What if I never became obsessed with Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!? What if I never met Sajan Melcher? What if I would of decided to man up, and kiss the girl for god-sake? What if I never had my heart broken?
I can go on all day with this, but I actually do want to answer some of these.
If I had decided to become an athlete, chances are I wouldn't of been able to sign up for Television Production, in high school, which is when I absolutely fell in love with film, and being in that type of environment. Of course, I'd probably have more discipline, and would be in college with a job right now, but I'm sure it's a fair trade off. That lesson will come to me when I'm ready.
Had I not decided to purchase a Zune, I don't think I would of been able to fully realize the monopoly that Apple has in that industry. I've always been one to fight for the underdog, simply on the premise that the underdog deserves a voice too. I fell in love with the brand, and am absolutely loyal to it, and am semi-passionate about it.
Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! really helped me get through a lot of my personal problems. It let me escape to a world where nothing was supposed to make sense, and every thing is to simply be accepted, just as it is. After Season 2, Tim and Eric were releasing a CD with most of their songs from the show. I had to have it, but couldn't. By pure chance, after vigorously searching the interwebs, I was exposed to my first torrent site, Demonoid.com . To say the least, torrents changed my life. And quite frankly made available to me, candid views that I don't think I would of been able to acquire by conventional means.
This one is a bit harder to conceive. To me Sajan, has always been there. Of all my friends, I can easily say that Sajan and I are the closest. I grew up with him, and will continue to. I can't answer this.
When I was five or six, I was in a daycare center, and back then there was a girl named Tina, she was a little older, but I fancied her a lot, and would always run to the swings first, that way I could offer them to her later on. Sharing food, or whatever to get her attention. Anyways, unbeknown-st to me, one fateful summer day, it was her last day at daycare. I of course didn't know this. We played a game of hide-and-seek that day, and she insisted on hiding in easy to find places, covered only with a blanket she had brought that day. I'd find her, and she'd hide again, in a ridiculously obvious place. The day was coming to an end, and we were still playing, just me and her. It was t-minus five minutes till she was to be picked up. We were under her blanket, and she said it, "Kiss me. I want you to just kiss me". It felt like the longest ten seconds of my life. I hesitated. I did not kiss her. And just like that, she left. In those ten seconds, that I was just looking at her with an astonished face, the only thing I was thinking was, "I can't do this, it's too easy". You see, in my head, even back then, I kind of always imagined that my first kiss would be, like after I don't know, I rescued a girl, or something that you'd see in the movies. It would be another 7 or 8 years that I'd have my first kiss, and I'm glad I waited. My first kiss was something magical. And I think that had I kissed the girl back when I was seven, it would have taken away from my magical real first kiss.
I say real, because, I just remembered. When I was in the first grade, there was an older black girl. Her name was Wendy. I didn't really fancy her, but she was pretty cool, even back then. Anyway she gives me her phone number, and insists that I call her, every night. And I did. Don't ask me what I spoke about, because I don't even remember. Well anyways, one day we are playing this game in music class, and it required that the girls run in one direction in a circle, and the boys run in opposite direction. Somehow, somewhere along the way, her lips make it to mine. We fell, and it hurt. She blamed it on me. And insisted to the teacher that I was trying to kiss her, which was not the case at all. I was suspended for three days. And she moved to Georgia, by the time I came back to school. So I never heard from her again. But I guess that was the very first incident where my lips, and a girls touched. Not sure I'd call it a kiss, because that wasn't my intention.
What are we talking about again?
Oh yes, had I never gotten my heart broken. I don't know. Maybe I would of had much of that certainty that I used to motto my life by. Especially when it came to love. I'd be much more experienced, probably. Having had open my heart open enough to be in many relationships. Many frivolous, and empty relationships, at that, but maybe I would have lost my virginity or something, and gotten the major confidence boost. I care too much, one of my many flaws. Girls seem to operate on a certain backwards logic, that defies me. Girls only pay attention to you if you treat them like shit. I don't get it. It's like, I prefer the mature, older girl type. But don't know many of them.
Someday, perhaps.
Tomorrow, will be a fine day. I am grateful to of had made it this far.
~Salame~
***commentary***
The Hangover-
Easily Comedy of the Year. Def worth watching over, and over.
Bruno-
Disappointed. It needed to be more gayer. And funnier. It's no Borat. Mildly worth watching.
Jeniffer's Body-
Lacked substance. But Megan Fox is pretty steamy. So I'd say a sold Six and a Half, our of ten.
***end of commentary***
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Just as it is important to believe in God, it's equally important to believe in yourself.
Today, own your greatness.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Right now I feel, blankness.
Earlier in the day, when sir Michael wasn't here, I was seriously looking into Full Sail. For those who don't know, Full Sail, is like the uber shit, if you are going to make any kind of art, especially film.
Film is something that I am passionate about, and I see myself in that industry in the future. But my story, and my entry into there will be like none other. I have always been one to take the unnecessarily long way to getting to things.
It's like you can appreciate things quantuplified, when you put a lot of focus, and energy into it for a long time. For instance. When I left for Cali, in July, I knew it was going to be a suicide mission. I just knew it. The odds were never in my favor going in, or out.
I am not conventional. Even in the face of extinction, I will choose what feels right, more than the logical choice. To this day, I am still plagued with some of my paster decisions.
What if I had decided to become an athlete? What if I had decided not to purchase a Zune? What if I never became obsessed with Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!? What if I never met Sajan Melcher? What if I would of decided to man up, and kiss the girl for god-sake? What if I never had my heart broken?
I can go on all day with this, but I actually do want to answer some of these.
If I had decided to become an athlete, chances are I wouldn't of been able to sign up for Television Production, in high school, which is when I absolutely fell in love with film, and being in that type of environment. Of course, I'd probably have more discipline, and would be in college with a job right now, but I'm sure it's a fair trade off. That lesson will come to me when I'm ready.
Had I not decided to purchase a Zune, I don't think I would of been able to fully realize the monopoly that Apple has in that industry. I've always been one to fight for the underdog, simply on the premise that the underdog deserves a voice too. I fell in love with the brand, and am absolutely loyal to it, and am semi-passionate about it.
Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! really helped me get through a lot of my personal problems. It let me escape to a world where nothing was supposed to make sense, and every thing is to simply be accepted, just as it is. After Season 2, Tim and Eric were releasing a CD with most of their songs from the show. I had to have it, but couldn't. By pure chance, after vigorously searching the interwebs, I was exposed to my first torrent site, Demonoid.com . To say the least, torrents changed my life. And quite frankly made available to me, candid views that I don't think I would of been able to acquire by conventional means.
This one is a bit harder to conceive. To me Sajan, has always been there. Of all my friends, I can easily say that Sajan and I are the closest. I grew up with him, and will continue to. I can't answer this.
When I was five or six, I was in a daycare center, and back then there was a girl named Tina, she was a little older, but I fancied her a lot, and would always run to the swings first, that way I could offer them to her later on. Sharing food, or whatever to get her attention. Anyways, unbeknown-st to me, one fateful summer day, it was her last day at daycare. I of course didn't know this. We played a game of hide-and-seek that day, and she insisted on hiding in easy to find places, covered only with a blanket she had brought that day. I'd find her, and she'd hide again, in a ridiculously obvious place. The day was coming to an end, and we were still playing, just me and her. It was t-minus five minutes till she was to be picked up. We were under her blanket, and she said it, "Kiss me. I want you to just kiss me". It felt like the longest ten seconds of my life. I hesitated. I did not kiss her. And just like that, she left. In those ten seconds, that I was just looking at her with an astonished face, the only thing I was thinking was, "I can't do this, it's too easy". You see, in my head, even back then, I kind of always imagined that my first kiss would be, like after I don't know, I rescued a girl, or something that you'd see in the movies. It would be another 7 or 8 years that I'd have my first kiss, and I'm glad I waited. My first kiss was something magical. And I think that had I kissed the girl back when I was seven, it would have taken away from my magical real first kiss.
I say real, because, I just remembered. When I was in the first grade, there was an older black girl. Her name was Wendy. I didn't really fancy her, but she was pretty cool, even back then. Anyway she gives me her phone number, and insists that I call her, every night. And I did. Don't ask me what I spoke about, because I don't even remember. Well anyways, one day we are playing this game in music class, and it required that the girls run in one direction in a circle, and the boys run in opposite direction. Somehow, somewhere along the way, her lips make it to mine. We fell, and it hurt. She blamed it on me. And insisted to the teacher that I was trying to kiss her, which was not the case at all. I was suspended for three days. And she moved to Georgia, by the time I came back to school. So I never heard from her again. But I guess that was the very first incident where my lips, and a girls touched. Not sure I'd call it a kiss, because that wasn't my intention.
What are we talking about again?
Oh yes, had I never gotten my heart broken. I don't know. Maybe I would of had much of that certainty that I used to motto my life by. Especially when it came to love. I'd be much more experienced, probably. Having had open my heart open enough to be in many relationships. Many frivolous, and empty relationships, at that, but maybe I would have lost my virginity or something, and gotten the major confidence boost. I care too much, one of my many flaws. Girls seem to operate on a certain backwards logic, that defies me. Girls only pay attention to you if you treat them like shit. I don't get it. It's like, I prefer the mature, older girl type. But don't know many of them.
Someday, perhaps.
Tomorrow, will be a fine day. I am grateful to of had made it this far.
~Salame~
***commentary***
The Hangover-
Easily Comedy of the Year. Def worth watching over, and over.
Bruno-
Disappointed. It needed to be more gayer. And funnier. It's no Borat. Mildly worth watching.
Jeniffer's Body-
Lacked substance. But Megan Fox is pretty steamy. So I'd say a sold Six and a Half, our of ten.
***end of commentary***
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Just as it is important to believe in God, it's equally important to believe in yourself.
Today, own your greatness.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Family: Monopoly The Game
I awoke this morning at 1pm to my phone going off the hook. And to much amuck, it was my friend Michael. He wasn't doing anything today, and was at my door, before I was fully awake. I eat a small meal, and we watch District 9 (commentary later). Still not having much to do, we head on over to the local Albertsons, and Wal-Mart, and stock up on goodies to eat. We get back to my house, and watch A Perfect Getaway (commentary later). He leaves, and the day is pretty much over. Or so I thought.
Today, I spent some very valuable time with my younger sisters. I've been kind of focused on myself, and stuff as of late, that Iv'e forgotten to nurture this relationship that is very dear to me. My sisters and I had a blast playing, (of all games) Monopoly (commentary later). I laughed with my sisters tonight, more than this whole week since I've been here. I am pretty sure that my sisters missed me dearly while I was away, and for the first time in a long time, I felt true love. We laughed, and joked, for hours. Monopoly is one of those games that, I don't know, kind of bring the family together.
My father called me today. It is obvious he is making an effort to re-connect with me. And I want to reconnect as well. It is just, I am taking a much more honest, and truer path to find the answers that I am looking for, and he is kind of like the roadblock when I am at a crossroad. Constantly reminding me of the virtues he follows, and the ones that the Bible offers, living a life dedicated to serving Jesus. And I just don't feel that those values and opinions fully resonate with me anymore. I am growing, physically, mentally, spiritually, in the 21st century.
Nonetheless, I have agreed to help him out this Saturday. The Friday before I came here, his best friend of many years, took his life. And I can't even begin to imagine the emotional stress, caused by this void, and the impact it's having in his life. His friend left behind his wife, and many possessions, and I'll be helping her move, and stuff.
The bittersweet aftertaste effect of any death, at least for me, is a major reconsideration in life. Especially this past year, many people in my life have passed away, and it's given me the opportunities to truly reconsider the things that are important to me in my life.
I find it very peculiar that I am listening to a Queen CD whilst I write, the songs "These are the Days of Our Lives", "Who Wants to Live Forever", and "Heaven for Everyone" play just as I am writing on topics of life and death. Coincidence? I think not. And as V would say, "It means that I, like God, do not play with dice and I don't believe in coincidences."
And to go along with the trend, "Somebody to Love" by Queen. My love life, is something I consider especially personal to me. An event happened to me, a couple years ago, that I will not mention, but needless to say, it's kind of detached me from having any romantic feelings for anyone. That's not to say I don't find some girls attractive, and desirable, it's just I've been severely devastated in that part of my mind and life. It happened at one of the most sexually frustrating times of my life too, something that still carries on to this day. I have all this energy inside of me, and no vessel. In a matter of weeks, I went from the bold, do-whatever feels right, to the timid-shy, guy that I am today. Not attractive at all, but it is a fight within me that I am chipping away at, ever so slowly. It seems kind of sick, but I find more pleasure in creating fantasy, than following through in reality. Days that are especially heavy on me, I tend to have, to say the lease, amazing dreams, that following night. And there, I am anyone I want to be. There, I can meet anyone, and do anything my heart desires. There, I'm truly alive.
My love for Coldplay doesn't help things either. I have Sajan to thank for that. It's like every time I have some sort of love conflict in my head, Coldplay just has a way of tuning to the frequencies of the universes, and swashing it all away, and reach an understanding that is unexplainable.
Muse is more for when I am upset with the injustices in the world. They have a way of channeling those thoughts, and then, ***sigh*** aahhh. Refreshment.
***commentary***
-District 9-
I seen the movie, and it's pretty good. Definitely worth watching. Although I wouldn't be surprised if something similar like that were to happen in the upcoming years.
-A Perfect Getaway-
I seen the movie, not that good. You can watch it, but prepare yourself for disappointment. Aesthetically beautiful in a couple shots, but beyond that, I seen the plot from a million miles away.
-Monopoly-
The game itself I do NOT DIS-LIKE. It's the IDEA that the game represents, that I dislike. To take as much for one's own self, and not share that energy. I've always been one to share, even when there is lack.
***end of commentary***
More than anything in my life, if I had one wish, it'd be for some certainty in my life. Not even actual certainty. Just the feeling will do for me. I need to feel that my life is going somewhere. I need to feel that I am truly on a path towards happiness. If I had to put a label on my life at present, I'd say that I am in "Gathering Mode". And what that means is that I am taking in vast amounts of information. No reason at all. Just something to keep my head busy. Yesterday, and the day before, when I spent the night at my friend Devin's house, I spent about 3 hours watching this series on Youtube. It's a professor at Berkley, and he is doing lectures on Relativity, and Einstein, and the Universe. I am still watching it, but I think that is a fairly accurate example of what I enjoy doing in Gathering mode.
A toast to staying busy. *ting*
Wherever you are, I love you. Good luck.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just as it is important to believe in God, it's equally important to believe in yourself.
Today, own your greatness.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today, I spent some very valuable time with my younger sisters. I've been kind of focused on myself, and stuff as of late, that Iv'e forgotten to nurture this relationship that is very dear to me. My sisters and I had a blast playing, (of all games) Monopoly (commentary later). I laughed with my sisters tonight, more than this whole week since I've been here. I am pretty sure that my sisters missed me dearly while I was away, and for the first time in a long time, I felt true love. We laughed, and joked, for hours. Monopoly is one of those games that, I don't know, kind of bring the family together.
My father called me today. It is obvious he is making an effort to re-connect with me. And I want to reconnect as well. It is just, I am taking a much more honest, and truer path to find the answers that I am looking for, and he is kind of like the roadblock when I am at a crossroad. Constantly reminding me of the virtues he follows, and the ones that the Bible offers, living a life dedicated to serving Jesus. And I just don't feel that those values and opinions fully resonate with me anymore. I am growing, physically, mentally, spiritually, in the 21st century.
Nonetheless, I have agreed to help him out this Saturday. The Friday before I came here, his best friend of many years, took his life. And I can't even begin to imagine the emotional stress, caused by this void, and the impact it's having in his life. His friend left behind his wife, and many possessions, and I'll be helping her move, and stuff.
The bittersweet aftertaste effect of any death, at least for me, is a major reconsideration in life. Especially this past year, many people in my life have passed away, and it's given me the opportunities to truly reconsider the things that are important to me in my life.
I find it very peculiar that I am listening to a Queen CD whilst I write, the songs "These are the Days of Our Lives", "Who Wants to Live Forever", and "Heaven for Everyone" play just as I am writing on topics of life and death. Coincidence? I think not. And as V would say, "It means that I, like God, do not play with dice and I don't believe in coincidences."
And to go along with the trend, "Somebody to Love" by Queen. My love life, is something I consider especially personal to me. An event happened to me, a couple years ago, that I will not mention, but needless to say, it's kind of detached me from having any romantic feelings for anyone. That's not to say I don't find some girls attractive, and desirable, it's just I've been severely devastated in that part of my mind and life. It happened at one of the most sexually frustrating times of my life too, something that still carries on to this day. I have all this energy inside of me, and no vessel. In a matter of weeks, I went from the bold, do-whatever feels right, to the timid-shy, guy that I am today. Not attractive at all, but it is a fight within me that I am chipping away at, ever so slowly. It seems kind of sick, but I find more pleasure in creating fantasy, than following through in reality. Days that are especially heavy on me, I tend to have, to say the lease, amazing dreams, that following night. And there, I am anyone I want to be. There, I can meet anyone, and do anything my heart desires. There, I'm truly alive.
My love for Coldplay doesn't help things either. I have Sajan to thank for that. It's like every time I have some sort of love conflict in my head, Coldplay just has a way of tuning to the frequencies of the universes, and swashing it all away, and reach an understanding that is unexplainable.
Muse is more for when I am upset with the injustices in the world. They have a way of channeling those thoughts, and then, ***sigh*** aahhh. Refreshment.
***commentary***
-District 9-
I seen the movie, and it's pretty good. Definitely worth watching. Although I wouldn't be surprised if something similar like that were to happen in the upcoming years.
-A Perfect Getaway-
I seen the movie, not that good. You can watch it, but prepare yourself for disappointment. Aesthetically beautiful in a couple shots, but beyond that, I seen the plot from a million miles away.
-Monopoly-
The game itself I do NOT DIS-LIKE. It's the IDEA that the game represents, that I dislike. To take as much for one's own self, and not share that energy. I've always been one to share, even when there is lack.
***end of commentary***
More than anything in my life, if I had one wish, it'd be for some certainty in my life. Not even actual certainty. Just the feeling will do for me. I need to feel that my life is going somewhere. I need to feel that I am truly on a path towards happiness. If I had to put a label on my life at present, I'd say that I am in "Gathering Mode". And what that means is that I am taking in vast amounts of information. No reason at all. Just something to keep my head busy. Yesterday, and the day before, when I spent the night at my friend Devin's house, I spent about 3 hours watching this series on Youtube. It's a professor at Berkley, and he is doing lectures on Relativity, and Einstein, and the Universe. I am still watching it, but I think that is a fairly accurate example of what I enjoy doing in Gathering mode.
A toast to staying busy. *ting*
Wherever you are, I love you. Good luck.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just as it is important to believe in God, it's equally important to believe in yourself.
Today, own your greatness.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Modern Social Disaster
As of recent, I feel as if I am committing social suicide. I have made a conscious choice to deactivate my Facebook account, and not login to my Myspace (eww) account as well. I have made a couple personal goals, that I won't reveal to anyone. Facebook, and Myspace would definitely take away valuable time that I could be spending on reaching these goals. When I feel it in my heart that I can join the social again, I will.
At present, there are several different things going on in my life at the same time. I am going through a wide range of emotions, yet my life still feels bland. Perhaps it is just me, and my lack of initiative, but I have always been a supporter of truth, and to lie to myself, telling myself that everything is going to be alright, that everything is going to be 'OK', flies right in the face of everything I believe. It is like, I won't start something, or even finish something, when I know it isn't something that resonates in my heart.
I spent the past six months in California, away from my family and friends. Living day to day, on my own. There were lessons there, and that was a personal struggle I had to overcome. At the time, it felt right, and so I went for it. Even when the world WAS against me.
I am back now in Florida. My girl-friends, especially, look much more amazing than I remembered them in my head. My guy-friends, pretty much stayed the same.
I had the day out with my friend Nina. We did hobgosh things.
Wish I could stay up, and think of things to write about, but this will have to do.
I've kept it short, but don't expect this tomorrow, or in the future. I'll keep this updated as much as I can.
Be safe.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just as it is important to believe in God, it's equally important to believe in yourself.
Today, own your greatness.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At present, there are several different things going on in my life at the same time. I am going through a wide range of emotions, yet my life still feels bland. Perhaps it is just me, and my lack of initiative, but I have always been a supporter of truth, and to lie to myself, telling myself that everything is going to be alright, that everything is going to be 'OK', flies right in the face of everything I believe. It is like, I won't start something, or even finish something, when I know it isn't something that resonates in my heart.
I spent the past six months in California, away from my family and friends. Living day to day, on my own. There were lessons there, and that was a personal struggle I had to overcome. At the time, it felt right, and so I went for it. Even when the world WAS against me.
I am back now in Florida. My girl-friends, especially, look much more amazing than I remembered them in my head. My guy-friends, pretty much stayed the same.
I had the day out with my friend Nina. We did hobgosh things.
Wish I could stay up, and think of things to write about, but this will have to do.
I've kept it short, but don't expect this tomorrow, or in the future. I'll keep this updated as much as I can.
Be safe.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just as it is important to believe in God, it's equally important to believe in yourself.
Today, own your greatness.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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