Family: Monopoly The Game

I awoke this morning at 1pm to my phone going off the hook. And to much amuck, it was my friend Michael. He wasn't doing anything today, and was at my door, before I was fully awake. I eat a small meal, and we watch District 9 (commentary later). Still not having much to do, we head on over to the local Albertsons, and Wal-Mart, and stock up on goodies to eat. We get back to my house, and watch A Perfect Getaway (commentary later). He leaves, and the day is pretty much over. Or so I thought.

Today, I spent some very valuable time with my younger sisters. I've been kind of focused on myself, and stuff as of late, that Iv'e forgotten to nurture this relationship that is very dear to me. My sisters and I had a blast playing, (of all games) Monopoly (commentary later). I laughed with my sisters tonight, more than this whole week since I've been here. I am pretty sure that my sisters missed me dearly while I was away, and for the first time in a long time, I felt true love. We laughed, and joked, for hours. Monopoly is one of those games that, I don't know, kind of bring the family together.

My father called me today. It is obvious he is making an effort to re-connect with me. And I want to reconnect as well. It is just, I am taking a much more honest, and truer path to find the answers that I am looking for, and he is kind of like the roadblock when I am at a crossroad. Constantly reminding me of the virtues he follows, and the ones that the Bible offers, living a life dedicated to serving Jesus. And I just don't feel that those values and opinions fully resonate with me anymore. I am growing, physically, mentally, spiritually, in the 21st century.

Nonetheless, I have agreed to help him out this Saturday. The Friday before I came here, his best friend of many years, took his life. And I can't even begin to imagine the emotional stress, caused by this void, and the impact it's having in his life. His friend left behind his wife, and many possessions, and I'll be helping her move, and stuff.

The bittersweet aftertaste effect of any death, at least for me, is a major reconsideration in life. Especially this past year, many people in my life have passed away, and it's given me the opportunities to truly reconsider the things that are important to me in my life.

I find it very peculiar that I am listening to a Queen CD whilst I write, the songs "These are the Days of Our Lives", "Who Wants to Live Forever", and "Heaven for Everyone" play just as I am writing on topics of life and death. Coincidence? I think not. And as V would say, "It means that I, like God, do not play with dice and I don't believe in coincidences."

And to go along with the trend, "Somebody to Love" by Queen. My love life, is something I consider especially personal to me. An event happened to me, a couple years ago, that I will not mention, but needless to say, it's kind of detached me from having any romantic feelings for anyone. That's not to say I don't find some girls attractive, and desirable, it's just I've been severely devastated in that part of my mind and life. It happened at one of the most sexually frustrating times of my life too, something that still carries on to this day. I have all this energy inside of me, and no vessel. In a matter of weeks, I went from the bold, do-whatever feels right, to the timid-shy, guy that I am today. Not attractive at all, but it is a fight within me that I am chipping away at, ever so slowly. It seems kind of sick, but I find more pleasure in creating fantasy, than following through in reality. Days that are especially heavy on me, I tend to have, to say the lease, amazing dreams, that following night. And there, I am anyone I want to be. There, I can meet anyone, and do anything my heart desires. There, I'm truly alive.

My love for Coldplay doesn't help things either. I have Sajan to thank for that. It's like every time I have some sort of love conflict in my head, Coldplay just has a way of tuning to the frequencies of the universes, and swashing it all away, and reach an understanding that is unexplainable.

Muse is more for when I am upset with the injustices in the world. They have a way of channeling those thoughts, and then, ***sigh*** aahhh. Refreshment.

***commentary***

-District 9-
I seen the movie, and it's pretty good. Definitely worth watching. Although I wouldn't be surprised if something similar like that were to happen in the upcoming years.


-A Perfect Getaway-
I seen the movie, not that good. You can watch it, but prepare yourself for disappointment. Aesthetically beautiful in a couple shots, but beyond that, I seen the plot from a million miles away.

-Monopoly-
The game itself I do NOT DIS-LIKE. It's the IDEA that the game represents, that I dislike. To take as much for one's own self, and not share that energy. I've always been one to share, even when there is lack.

***end of commentary***

More than anything in my life, if I had one wish, it'd be for some certainty in my life. Not even actual certainty. Just the feeling will do for me. I need to feel that my life is going somewhere. I need to feel that I am truly on a path towards happiness. If I had to put a label on my life at present, I'd say that I am in "Gathering Mode". And what that means is that I am taking in vast amounts of information. No reason at all. Just something to keep my head busy. Yesterday, and the day before, when I spent the night at my friend Devin's house, I spent about 3 hours watching this series on Youtube. It's a professor at Berkley, and he is doing lectures on Relativity, and Einstein, and the Universe. I am still watching it, but I think that is a fairly accurate example of what I enjoy doing in Gathering mode.

A toast to staying busy. *ting*

Wherever you are, I love you. Good luck.

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Just as it is important to believe in God, it's equally important to believe in yourself.

Today, own your greatness.

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